Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I always ask if I can pay in bitcoins now, not because I have any but because I want to be cool
←Rate | 02-07-2018 11:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you know oranges can be male or female? If it squirts in your eye without warning it's a male and if it's bitter for no reason it's a female.
←Rate | 02-07-2018 15:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women who say the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach hasn't seen his browser history
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In India, when they say there’s an elephant in the room, there’s an elephant in the room
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Man to a super cute air hostess : Whats your name? Air Hostess: Eva Benz Man: Lovely name, any relationship with Mercedes Benz? Air Hostess: Our Maintenance cost is the same
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Almost Valentine's day. Don't worry if you've been dumped, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just kidding, the oil spill killed them all
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just saw what came out of me, so I highly doubt I am beautiful on the inside.
←Rate | 02-08-2018 08:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My calculator is missing the minus button, but on the plus side it still works.
←Rate | 02-08-2018 08:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, shark! Help!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
←Rate | 02-08-2018 08:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For every women that has rejected me . I'm going to give them chocolate covered Tide pods for Valentine's day
←Rate | 02-08-2018 13:11 by loverboy Comments (1)  

   messageicon I am going to call KFC to make a reservation for Valentine's Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the staff answering the phone
←Rate | 02-09-2018 04:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love Facebook like Angelina Jolie loves to fill out adoption papers
←Rate | 02-09-2018 04:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever I get called into my boss's office, my entire Facebook career flashes before my eyes
←Rate | 02-09-2018 04:13 Comments (1)  

   messageicon They call it a "selfie" because a "narcissitie" is too hard to pronounce
←Rate | 02-09-2018 10:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
←Rate | 02-09-2018 10:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am concerned about the safety of my children most when they start smart-mouthing and rolling their eyes
←Rate | 02-09-2018 10:59 Comments (4)  

   messageicon A great man once said, "If you divide the people because you want their votes, you will never be able to unite them if you win the election".
←Rate | 02-09-2018 12:48 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I just tried to pull my sleeve up and accidentally punched myself.its ok though,I've had it coming for some time now.
←Rate | 02-09-2018 13:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a kung fu problem, it's not a problem if you're good at it.
←Rate | 02-09-2018 15:36 Comments (0)  

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