Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon How was the winter solstice? I missed it because the stores were out of solstice glasses
←Rate | 12-24-2017 18:17 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon This is the first good sized snow fall of the season and honestly the weather on TV is acting like the terrorism threat levels just moved up a two.
←Rate | 12-24-2017 18:21 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I must be getting old. Since when does 2 to 4 inches of snow become a winter storm warning? Back when I was a kid, we just called flurries, and we complained it wasn't enough to even have a good snowball fight, let along close schools.
←Rate | 12-24-2017 18:25 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (2)  

   messageicon Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
←Rate | 12-24-2017 20:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon On Dasher, on Dancer, on Master Card and Visa.
←Rate | 12-24-2017 20:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lefties eat yellow snow on Winter Solstice.
←Rate | 12-25-2017 14:17 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I was told I would understand when I got older. Well, I'm older and still don't understand...
←Rate | 12-25-2017 21:10 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook is so dead during the holidays, I almost considered sex with my husband.
←Rate | 12-26-2017 04:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies are not officially old, until going braless pulls the wrinkles out of their faces.
←Rate | 12-26-2017 08:54 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon That one sounded like a un-oiled door opening slowly.
←Rate | 12-26-2017 19:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
←Rate | 12-27-2017 06:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are 361 days until Christmas and people already have their lights up. This is getting ridiculous.
←Rate | 12-27-2017 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women are like roads. The more curves they have the more dangerous they are.
←Rate | 12-27-2017 18:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How did cavemen meet women? They went clubbing.
←Rate | 12-27-2017 18:29 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Teenagers hanging out sober act like adults drunk.
←Rate | 12-28-2017 02:33 by Jergim Comments (0)  

   messageicon How many tweets does it take to get to the center of attention?
←Rate | 12-28-2017 03:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are no Walmart stores in Syria, only Targets.
←Rate | 12-28-2017 07:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What goes up must come down. Except maybe for crawling underwear.
←Rate | 12-28-2017 12:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My cooking is so good even my smoke alarm comments on it.
←Rate | 12-28-2017 23:57 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon "You the bomb" "No, you the bomb" - A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 01:49 by trickz100 Comments (0)  

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