Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.
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its national hug a retard day!...now dont freak out like you did last year...im not trying to steal your helmet!!! 
TIVOing The Weather Channel
Teaching his dog how to be a ninja!
just realized while reading the newspaper, that in cartoons the person on the right is never allowed to speak first...
repairing a huge hole in my living room wall, Damn You, Kool-Aid man...
Deleting my browser history almost makes me feel like I never cyberstalked you in the first place
just not the same since the house fell on my sister
dated a retarded girl once... we broke up because we argued about everything... I said "tomato" and she said "BOWLING SHOES!!!"
To steal ideas from one person would be called plagiarism, to steal ideas from many is called "research".
more bored than a prostitute in post-guliani New York.
“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night”
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
s of to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of prescription medication.
"It's 10:30 am and I am sitting here at the bar with my probation officer and my AA sponser and we are on our 5th crown and coke....and I am now starting to think that maybe.....just maybe.....I need to re-analyze my life and the path I am taking..."
on the road. His cynicism is riding shotgun.
when life handsyou lemons,make Grilled King Prawn Salad with Lemon, Chilli and Dill Sauce
Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. So lets all get wasted and have the time of our lives!
Just finished a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 3-5 years.
Behind my smile is everything u'll never understand...
life is good when you're good at what's good to be good at in life