Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon has just got back from the future...........You wouldn't believe how many blades they have on razors!
←Rate | 10-15-2009 07:04 by deithy Comments (0)  

   messageicon not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am...
←Rate | 10-15-2009 06:57 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
←Rate | 10-15-2009 06:55 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
←Rate | 10-15-2009 06:54 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
←Rate | 10-15-2009 06:53 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks scare-crows should get Nobel prizes because they are out standing in their field
←Rate | 10-15-2009 04:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon likes to fill up the bath, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's jus been hit.
←Rate | 10-15-2009 04:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?.....The cold shoulder.
←Rate | 10-15-2009 04:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
←Rate | 10-15-2009 04:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon breaking up with his flirtatious imaginary girlfriend in hope that his seductive mythological lover could become more allegorical....
←Rate | 10-15-2009 01:43 by gavdun Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so old. I remember when "flash memory" meant "ability to recall guys in raincoats showing their naughty bits." Those were simpler times for sure!
←Rate | 10-15-2009 00:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon divorcing her liver and requesting alimony.
←Rate | 10-14-2009 23:51 by honeygirl14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To boost sales,I think fast food chains should add an adult toy to there value menu.
←Rate | 10-14-2009 23:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon loves knowing she isnt the only one facebooking it up all alone when the rest of the world is cuddling it up.
←Rate | 10-14-2009 23:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am fixing to pull out your voodoo doll. I suggest you brace yourself...
←Rate | 10-14-2009 22:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was driving home the other day and saw the most beautiful rainbow, and then I had the disturbing thought, that gay people use this symbol to recognize each other. I think that is Ghey...
←Rate | 10-14-2009 22:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon knows whats the diference between a wife and a girlfriend..? Its about $200.
←Rate | 10-14-2009 21:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon moved on to a better place & you're not coming.
←Rate | 10-14-2009 21:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon getting sick of following his dreams, so he's gonna find out where they are going and catch up to them later.
←Rate | 10-14-2009 21:16 by motto Comments (0)  

   messageicon 98.23% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
←Rate | 10-14-2009 21:13 by motto Comments (0)  

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