Funny Status Messages

   I'm pissed...I signed up on Facebook almost a year ago and have not received a single phone call.

   Has anybody ever enjoyed moving ever? I now hate our mattress.

   Type 'things I did last night' into google and hit the I'm feeling lucky button

   "When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it."

   Sunday marks the birth of America, which Americans celebrate by combining their love of drinking with their love of explosives.

   I tried saying no to vodka, but it was 40% stronger than me.

   Freedom's natal day is here.Fire the guns and shout for freedom,See the flag above unfurled!Hail the stars and stripes forever,Dearest flag in all the world

   Diamonds are a girls best friend. They last forever. Dogs are a mans best friend. They age faster than humans and lick their own ass! Any questions??

   Anyone fancy a 68??? It's like a 69 except you go down on me and I owe you one!!

   My washing machine excites me more than you will ever know !

   Apologies to the vegatarians, My food poops on your food,

   It was reported in the News recently that a former member of the KKK has volunteered to help clean and restore the Gulf. He vows to have the beaches white again in no time.

   without trust, there is suspicion; whenever your filled with suspicion everyone starts looking evil to you!!!!

   Music pumping!! a*s shaking!! Dirty dancing it feels like club making

   Couldnt get into the Maury show so I went to our local trailor park.

   my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts

   I drank too much and blew Chunks. Unfortunately, Chunks is my dog.

   Life sucks... Wife won't......

   I have kleptomania. When it gets really bad, I take something for it.

   There's plenty of room for all God's creatures... right next to the mashed potatoes.