Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "be yourself" can be the worst advise you can give to some people

   Dear Mr Raoul Moat , It has come to my notice that John Terry has also been shagging your missus while you were in prison , yours sincerely Wayne Bridge ..

   Recent studies show that┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─ can be very effective in dealing with cases of chronic boredom. Use with caution - too much may lead to an addiction.

   wondering why his daughter's diaper holds no where near the 22-37 pounds it promises.

   You know who the luckiest person in the world is, a person who doesnt need no luck

   On the radio they are talking about weird names for gas stations! Would you rather get your stuff from the Kum n Go, Park and Blow, or the Pump n Pak lol?

   Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? Thats alrite because I ♥ the way it hurts; Just gonna stand there and watch me cry? Thats ok because I ♥ the way you lie...

   didn't say you were a girl all I said was you look like Justin Beiber.

   I heard some people talking $hit about you, they were saying you loved co#k sandwiches, but I stuck up for you - I told them you don't even like bread

   If I were to make a dictionary: CUTE=you; SWEET=you; THOUGHTFUL=you; GOOD LOOKING=you; GORGEOUS=you; LIAR=me!

   I saw Toy Story 3 and Barbie gave me a Woody!!

   It was so hot on the East coast that Cheney shot a lawyer with a super soaker.

   Good news. They are opening the beaches on the Gulf. They are changing the signs from "swim at your own risk" to "Caution Flammable!".

   How bad do you Sing..... "On a scale of vuvuzela to Justin Bieber??"

   hopeful that science will soon bring us the miracle of birth control infused vodka. Hope springs eternal.

   thinks it's time for us to let the Statue of Liberty hold up that torch with her other arm for awhile.

   if your not living life on the edge....... your taking up too much space!

   i just joined the dark side, turns out they lied about the cookies.

   Sarcasm is an art.. and some people just don't have an appreciation for art.

   We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.