Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 5792 of 5942

   messageicon feels like I am at a crossroad. I know you should take the road less traveled... but then who do you hang out with?
←Rate | 09-30-2009 15:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wonders if when people write "..had an interesting weekend ;) ", that they really mean "had a weekend watching tv and eating cheesy puffs but I wont let you know how sad I am"?
←Rate | 09-30-2009 14:51 by lemonpillow | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon just risked a car accident to type this
←Rate | 09-30-2009 13:16 by somebody Comments (0)  


   messageicon wishes that "mafia wars" would get into a turf war with "farm town" and all the mobsters and farmers would kill each other so I wouldn't have to get anymore invites to fake shoot people or to grow some virtual celery.
←Rate | 09-30-2009 11:39 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering... if they were the 'Mario' brothers, does that mean Mario's full name is Mario Mario?
←Rate | 09-30-2009 11:11 by Peebs | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon so cool, they're naming the next ice-age after him.
←Rate | 09-30-2009 10:56 by Peebs | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon WARNING.. I am a Professional. I must insist that no one attempt too or recreate any status or activity seen on my facebook, serious injury could occur when trying to think of new daily messages.
←Rate | 09-30-2009 10:52 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm gonna Flirt with you. And Your gonna Love it and I'm gonna Love You. so Why Don't We Just Cut the Crap.. Go Back to my house right now and just have sex."
←Rate | 09-30-2009 10:36 by Dylan Bosch | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon gets loads of email adverts for Viagra. I asked the pharmacist, "Can I get it over the counter?" and was told, "You may need two tablets for that Sir."
←Rate | 09-30-2009 10:12 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks that with all the spam he gets abot penis enlargement, isn't time they invented a pill to shrink vaginas instead!
←Rate | 09-30-2009 10:12 by deithy | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes, I wish emails from my family had an *unsubscribe* button at the bottom.
←Rate | 09-30-2009 05:08 by Tiffany Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words.
←Rate | 09-30-2009 05:07 by Tiffany Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roman Polanski's punishment for sleeping with that woman when she was 13 should be sleeping with her today.
←Rate | 09-30-2009 05:04 by Tiffany | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon wonders if it is only him, that has had a fly or small bug land on his computer screen and been daft enough to try and scare it with the cursor?
←Rate | 09-30-2009 03:34 by deithy | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once you start down that dark path, forever it will dominate your destiny. At least; that's what Yoda says. I'm still testing the theory...
←Rate | 09-30-2009 01:17 by Peebs | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's promise we'll always stay close friends but ultimately settle for periodic glances at each other's Facebook status updates
←Rate | 09-30-2009 00:33 by Piney | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody's drunk in the kitchen.
←Rate | 09-29-2009 23:04 by Seagren Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today, my friend from school was saying how her 'nano' died. I quickly responded by saying "so? recharge it." Turns out she didn't say 'nano', she said 'nana'. dammit....
←Rate | 09-29-2009 23:01 by Seagren Comments (0)  


   messageicon When ever you are single, all you see are couples, but when ever you are in a couple, all you see are hookers.
←Rate | 09-29-2009 23:00 by Ryan Seagren Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.
←Rate | 09-29-2009 23:00 by Seagren | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left