Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon To make it straight, she pulls it. 2 make it stand, she rubs it. 2 make it stiff, she licks it. 2 let it “IN” she pushes it. !!!! True! Threading a needle is not easy!!!
←Rate | 10-13-2009 16:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon knows the difference between a straight girl and a lesbian. About a bottle and a half of wine.
←Rate | 10-13-2009 15:58 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon has watched so much kids TV lately that women that look like Dora are starting to turn his head. Swiper! No swiping!
←Rate | 10-13-2009 15:36 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders if people understand how big of an idiot they sound like when they say they'll give something 110% etc. Its impossible to give more than 100%. That's it. 100% is to a whole what infinity is to forever. That's all you get.
←Rate | 10-13-2009 15:32 by | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinking that women give us the silent treatment and us blokes let them think we don't like it.............
←Rate | 10-13-2009 15:01 by Donger wonger poop chuffer singit London | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon getting drunk at dreher high school,,,go blue devils or what ever the fuk were called again
←Rate | 10-13-2009 14:55 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon hooray for nipples! Without them,tits would be pointless.
←Rate | 10-13-2009 14:41 by lemonpillow | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon wouldn't be caught dead around a necrophiliac!
←Rate | 10-13-2009 14:29 by dusty | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
←Rate | 10-13-2009 14:14 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
←Rate | 10-13-2009 14:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is 10% of what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it!
←Rate | 10-13-2009 08:31 by Mikey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I read a report that said the typical symptoms of stress were eating too much, drinking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Who are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.
←Rate | 10-13-2009 03:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon celebrating Columbus Day by giving smallpox infested blankets to all the children who come to our door
←Rate | 10-13-2009 02:54 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon it´s only funny until someone gets hurt... then it becomes hilarious
←Rate | 10-13-2009 01:50 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon I may not be always right but I'm never wrong
←Rate | 10-12-2009 21:12 by Mr. King Comments (0)  

   messageicon this day sucks worse than time I got lost in Oakland California
←Rate | 10-12-2009 20:00 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon : How do you keep a facebook friend busy? Refresh this screen to find the answer.
←Rate | 10-12-2009 18:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon says don't ring the RSPCA if your boyfriend says he wants to kick your puppy... he's just using predictive text
←Rate | 10-12-2009 16:30 by Marie- Jane O\'Flange | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering what the Easter bunny is doing right now?
←Rate | 10-12-2009 09:37 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon - in the year 2010 the AUS government will be shipping all retards away. My eyes watered when I thought of losing you. Be strong. Take your crayons.
←Rate | 10-12-2009 06:41 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

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