Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Samsung galaxy S10 Will still Touch ground and break If it can't float on the air when I mistakenly drop it, I don't want

   Samsung devices can now run 3 apps simultaneously while you can't even hover past incoming calls on the iPhone😩

   My Chinese pal is very upset about Peter Tork, and has been muttering "I'm a bereaver" all day?

   In unrelated news Julian Edleman and Tom Brady have just checked in to couples therapy...

   Hey Jussie, everyone makes mistakes. Don't beat yourself up over it.

   Belichick= Spygate. Brady= Deflategate. Kraft= Tailgate

   Robert Kraft: From Super Bowl Ring to Prostitution Ring

   Robert Kraft's prostitution arrest. Voluntary exchange of sex and compensation between consenting adults. Kinda like marriage.

   Not to worry Kraft. At least you're not Chicago.

   I guess winning the Super Bowl wasn't the happy ending Robert Kraft was looking for.

   "Thank-you Robert Kraft and R. Kelly!" - Jussie Smollett

   Too many of environmentally friendly philosophers in the world and not enough people willing to bend over to pick up a piece of garbage.

   Remix to conviction.. hot and ready for prison..R. Kelly

   Somewhere at this moment there is a masseuse with a ring from Super Bowl XXXVI walking into a Pawn Shop.

   Whenever I see someone I don't know wearing what look like pajamas in public I always wonder, have they completely given up on life or are they living it to the fullest!?

   'Sometimes, being hurt too many times, doesn't make you stronger, it destroy who you were, who you wanted to be and makes who you are today.''

   If you think about it, a boxing match is really just someone trying to count to 10 but they're constantly being interrupted by a fistfight between two other people.

   Had an absolutely amazing dream last night I feel could change mine and quite possibly millions of other people's lifes forever! if I could just remember what it was about?

   At a blood bank, a nurse extracts the blood. Wouldn't it be nice if the nurse at the sperm bank did the extractions too?

   How the HELL did a generation raised on South Park and Family Guy become so offended by everything?