Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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As I took it to my lips to taste, my mouth was suddenly overflowing with a creamy filling, my tongue licking as much as I could as fast as I could… God, I love cream donuts 
It's St. Patty's Day! Does the green stuff that I'm blowing out of my nose count?
considering their age and current physiques, I think Arnold Schwarzenegger VS Sylvester Stallone would be a great street fight, although Stallone has a very slight edge
Charlie Sheen marched into JG Wentworth and got his money back no questions asked.
So April 7th is National Beer Day... I feel like I need to get "speaking in cursive" drunk.
in the $2 shop the other day and the checkout girl called for a price check on an item without a price sticker !
How you douche bags feel knowing you're disposable ?
Still Cant Believe Were More Than Halfway Through This Year o:
I get to curse like a sailor because my mommy drinks like one
Why is it when you get chineses takeout they give you 147 packs of duck sauce but you damn near gotta beg for 3 soy sauce packs......80% of your menu needs soy sauce..even the duck platter
Fatigues kind of like Scrubs but for killing people
V-day trick: Put a "I belong to (your name)" keychain in a ring box from Kay's and give it to your girlfriend. She will love it!
used to be a deep-sea diver but I quit because I couldn't stand the pressure
when you ask a person "do you miss me" and they respond by saying "Do you miss me". that mean there answer is going to depen on what your answer is, smh people.
Apparently Cheryl Cole must drop her accent for the X-Factor to succeed in America. I reckon the show would work better if she dropped her knickers instead.
so is london bridge burning down yet
I'm not the jealous type... Unless you stop being infatuated with me. Then I pull you back so I can start ignoring you again.
Every time someone wishes me "Sweet Dreams", I wake up with high blood sugar.
I am WANTED by Stalkers...I am NEEDED by Beggars...I am FAMOUS by Gossipers...I am POPULAR by Haters... But they are all..."NOTHING" to me.
"I think Pimples should be Cool...because if you rearrange the letters, you get Le Pimp" -Katt Williams 