Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5769 of 6370
I think I've watched too many scary movies because every time I go to Chic-fil-a I find they are way too nice. I keep expecting their eyes to roll back in to their head while they are smiling and saying "its my pleasure to serve you."
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07-15-2010 07:00 by rdknabber
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I was recently diagnosed with CDO. Its the same thing as OCD its just in alphabetical order, the way it should be!
learnt a valuable lesson today about not putting "PUSH DOOR" stickers onto glass sliding doors, he would also like to wish a speedy recovery to Jill in HR, although the b*tch really did have it coming...
I think all woman should come with a satisfaction guarantee label
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07-15-2010 03:28
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In the 1960's, people took acid to make the world weird... Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal..
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07-15-2010 02:18 by SAM RABEE
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your hairstyle aint your lifestyle
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07-15-2010 01:27
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sometimes feels like I'm stuck at school in an episode of Peanuts where all I hear is "blah blah blah...blah blah...blah blah blah blah"
pretty sure that if fortune telling was real every fortune in every fortune cookie would read "You are about to eat a stale cookie, boo-yah!"
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
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07-15-2010 00:54 by rush1oc
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I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
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07-15-2010 00:52 by rush1oc
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If you suddenly find you cannot fix it, screw it up so nobody else can !
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07-15-2010 00:51 by rush1oc
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Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
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07-15-2010 00:49 by rush1oc
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voices!!!! screamin in my head dont lead the path that I tread!
whatever I want too!!
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07-15-2010 00:24
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I used to love, respect and cherish every moment we spent together and then something happened...oh yeah, I built a bridge and got over it!
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07-14-2010 23:40
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Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].
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07-14-2010 23:13 by Aaron
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The reverse side also has a reverse side?
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07-14-2010 23:11 by Aaron
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flashing your titts in public doesnt make you a wh*re, its makes you AWESOME!!
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07-14-2010 23:07 by SAM RABEE
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Powerless to know the truth... Blinded by what I wanted to see... Ashamed that I let you in... Painful with how I'm left feeling... Devastated as I knew better...
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07-14-2010 22:59 by SAM RABEE
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A skeleton was trying to fart in a crowded place but in the end it couldn't because it had no guts.
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07-14-2010 22:46 by Aaron
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