Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks it's Hotter Outside then a Las Vegas Sidewalk on the Fourth of July!.."

   remember when you. tongue punched that 300 pound woman in the fartbox?

   theres nothing like the rush you get when you color outside the lines...

   goin to go to wal-mart and when the intercom comes on sit in an isle rock back and forth saying the voices are back!

   A lot of mistakes, bad decisions, poor judgements, and total screw ups has led me to the right person in the right place at the right time.....

   I might not have a lot of one thing, but I have enough of everything, and for that I'm blessed.

   The best reason for being Italian is so that you can braid your girlfriends armpit hair!!!

   Certain cars really say something about you..For instance...Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler! and Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year! lol

   I FOUND THE GOLDEN TICKET!!!!!! FUGG ALL THE PEOPLE WHO SAID I WAS CRAZY!!! ALL MY HATERS CAN KISS....... oh wait........ It's just a twixx

   WTF It's been 25 something years since Charlie Bucket took over the Chocolate factory,and we are still buying Wonka Bars! I want a damn Bucket Bar! I know wonka picked the wrong kid. Veruca Salt would if had her own bar by know.

   The skeletons in my closet have requested a walk in!!!

   Winnie the Pooh is a bad ass. Anyone that can be THAT fat, lazy, obliviously self absorbed and loved by all is a genius in my book.

   Sometimes I think the world would be much better off without so much technology. - Sent from my iPhone

   wonders what the guys from Color Me Badd are doing nowadays because I need a new roof.

   I just saw Inception and I'm pretty sure I dreamt that movie the other night...

   keep your issues in your tissue box, and learn how to keep them out of your status box..

   With great power comes great responsibility... but... with great amounts of beer comes a great excuse...

   Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just a retard in tin foil

   Women, can't live with them.... can't live with them

   should be able to assist and speed up the Charles Darwin theory of Natural Selection!!!!