Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon David Dennison is my President.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 12:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any way I see it Jack and Jill were both idiots... Who in the hell goes up hill to find water?
←Rate | 03-08-2018 14:09 by JohnY Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Melania was a Democrat, she would be on the cover of every magazine and hailed by the media for her grace, language and beauty.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 14:27 Comments (7)  

   messageicon Like if you ever got charged for not rewinding a VHF tape
←Rate | 03-08-2018 17:34 by Fadolo Comments (0)  

   messageicon Neighbors state that old McDonald "had" a farm and the last time anyone saw him he was screaming vowels into the air. Back to you, Jen.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 22:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This dentist just told me I need a crown, and it's a relief to finally start getting some recognition around here.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 22:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't really afford Essential Oils so let's see what we have in the pantry.
←Rate | 03-08-2018 22:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alexa laughing and refusing to obey instructions? Better start working on your reasons to live for our new robot overlords
←Rate | 03-08-2018 22:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To keep the kids occupied all day on Easter, only hide 3 eggs for the Earter egg hunt.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 00:35 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Easter is April 1st this year which is also April fool's day. So to celecrate both days together, I will be dyeing raw eggs this year.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 00:46 by Jake Comments (1)  

   messageicon I don't like WcDonald's....I prefer Mendy's
←Rate | 03-09-2018 03:03 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today is International Women's Day, It was supposed to be yesterday, but they couldn't get ready on time !
←Rate | 03-09-2018 04:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation
←Rate | 03-09-2018 04:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only way to know a relationship is going well, when she feels comfortable taking a dump at your place
←Rate | 03-09-2018 04:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to Fart Quietly Again
←Rate | 03-09-2018 04:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Heading to WcDonald's for a Big Wac
←Rate | 03-09-2018 07:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I'm feeling down and someone says "Keep your chin up!" I get the urge to break their legs with a baseball bat and tell them "Walk it off!"
←Rate | 03-09-2018 07:47 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Spring is acting like a deadbeat dad... like are you coming or not.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 09:02 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Uh oh...FOX News report claims Ivanka, Kushner, Kelly, McMaster are on departure list from the White House. So much mixed emotions.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 16:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No matter what happens in life, NEVER give up on my dreams. That is why I sleep till noon.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 16:49 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  

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