Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon * The older I get the earlier it gets late.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 23:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I told you people that Russia was up to no good. But nooooooo, you people wanted to be friends with them for some strange, idiotic reason.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 23:39 Comments (4)  

   messageicon How can one know what someone is doing when that someone does not know what they're doing
←Rate | 04-14-2018 01:28 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Homophobia is the fear of someone getting laid the way you would not like them to.
←Rate | 04-14-2018 09:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I sit down and wonder what kind of life i’d be living if my parents were really rich.
←Rate | 04-14-2018 09:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Welcome to Assumption club I think we all know why we're here...
←Rate | 04-14-2018 11:40 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Interrsting Fact: If Hillary owned a building which caught on fire and killed a man, because there were no sprinkler systems in the building, people here would go through the roof.
←Rate | 04-14-2018 12:18 Comments (1)  

   messageicon The way the CNN channel distorts the news they should change their name to Cannot be NEWS :)
←Rate | 04-14-2018 12:25 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Sex with me is like riding a bike. You never forget it and if you’re doing it you probably don’t have a car, a job, or any dignity.
←Rate | 04-14-2018 12:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I panicked when they asked me to come up with a cool and sexy stripper name. So if you head over to the strip club, ask for Deborah.
←Rate | 04-14-2018 12:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a woman on my train whispering her texts as she types them and now we all know that kevin might have herpes.
←Rate | 04-14-2018 12:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When we were kids my sister played with dolls and I played with soldiers. Now it's the other way round.
←Rate | 04-14-2018 14:00 by HaHa Comments (0)  

   messageicon Woman aks pharmacy clerk if they sold extra large comdoms. Clerk said yes, would like a pack? No she replied. But I'd like to wait here untill someone does.
←Rate | 04-14-2018 14:08 by HaHa Comments (0)  

   messageicon A study says we only use 12% of our brain. Just think how intelligent we would be if we used the other 70%.
←Rate | 04-14-2018 14:13 by HaHa Comments (3)  

   messageicon Shout out to pizza and sunglasses for being the only thing left to be sold out of huts.
←Rate | 04-14-2018 18:55 by Jimmy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?
←Rate | 04-14-2018 19:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon After the US, UK, and France's attack on Syria, I propose a name change to the capital city from Damascus to DamnAssKicked.
←Rate | 04-14-2018 22:31 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Me: [looking thru fridge] there's nothing to eat in here Mortician: I know right
←Rate | 04-15-2018 03:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In your face Putin. Right in your stupid face. Go Trump!! Show Putin who the real boss is.
←Rate | 04-15-2018 04:46 Comments (3)  

   messageicon I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
←Rate | 04-15-2018 11:29 Comments (0)  

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