Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I love it when people knocks on my door. It gives me an excuse to use my guns.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 13:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If there's one person on the planet capable of rejecting President Trump's requests (without enduring the wrath of his Twitter fury), it's Melania Trump.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 13:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I turned out ok for a kid raised in large part by Bugs Bunny.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 15:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Notice when Obama was president, spring always came on time? Just saying......
←Rate | 04-09-2018 18:24 Comments (5)  

   messageicon I want to find a lawyer that makes $130,000 payments on my behalf, for things I never did, and he doesn't ask for repayment. Amazing.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 22:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon M.A.G.A: My Attorney Got Arrested
←Rate | 04-09-2018 23:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Planning a wedding with your fiancee is good practice for divorce
←Rate | 04-10-2018 05:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I decided to weigh myself this morning when the scale said "Lo". I was ready to get all excited when I realized it just mean the battery! Ugh
←Rate | 04-10-2018 05:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
←Rate | 04-10-2018 05:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Back in our days a Teacher leaving the class for a few minutes was the original Harlem Shake
←Rate | 04-10-2018 05:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon One thing that I have noticed about conspiracy theories is that they all depend on the government perpetrators being endlessly clever. I think you'll find that most government perpetrators are endlessly stupid.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 09:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why does the MSM keep referring to the Parkland shooting as a "senseless tragedy"? I mean, come on. Is there any such thing as a "sensible tragedy"? It's a tragedy; just leave it at that.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 09:48 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Why is it called "Planned Parenthood"? Since they provide birth control and abortions it should be called "Prevent Parenthood".
←Rate | 04-10-2018 09:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's a bad day to be a witch.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 11:30 Comments (1)  

   messageicon U failed Physics chemistry in High school and now you have the guts to comment with 'K' on my posts.What exactly do you know about *Potassium*....?
←Rate | 04-10-2018 11:54 Comments (1)  

   messageicon A hacker has deleted Despacito from YouTube. The world is a slightly better place.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 13:37 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Next time I open up to someone is my autopsy.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 13:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm okay with knowing that no one thinks I am as funny as I know I am.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 13:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 13:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon One of the great things about having kids is that you can check your pulse using the veins on the side of your head
←Rate | 04-10-2018 15:21 by markf Comments (0)  

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