Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'd like to be so rich that my dog has a dog.

   Nothing will get a skinny white girl on the dancefloor quicker than "Baby Got Back."

   I thought you were maybe kinda cute until you took a call on your Bluetooth Douche Detector.

   For decades now, Mario has been collecting coins. He does nothing with that money. Buy the princess a bodyguard or something.

   I never contradict myself. And if you say otherwise, I will agree with you.

   When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

   Ask your doctor if "Shutting the Hell Up" is right for you.

   "Patience" is what parents have when there are witnesses.

   Guess drunk? I'm what!

   I would like to give you a piece of my mind, but this is my last piece.

   A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.

   It's not that I'm immature, it's just that you started it.

   had to fill out a doctor paper once it said "sex M/F" I didnt know what M or F was so I put"no thanx"

   love me or hate me either way your still.thinking about me

   I don't really like animals. When I watch Whale Wars I root for the Japanese.

   out clubbing this weekend. I'm going to beat my record of 12 baby seals.

   This just in, Paul the octopus is dead. Paul was "asked" if Farve was going to stay retired. Witnesses report that Paul changed color's rapidly, vibrated slightly and then exploded.

   may not make the history books, but she loves another with all her heart and soul, and that's all that really matters ♥

   singing a duet with the fat lady singing "myspace"

   the life of the party, even if I dont attend