Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 5705 of 5774

   messageicon Dear mom while I have been away at college I have learned to make rational and accountable decisions while I'm drinking. However we may or may not have a drunken cat on our hands.
←Rate | 10-08-2009 22:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I brush after every meal.And the Dentist says my hair looks lovely.
←Rate | 10-08-2009 14:51 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon how come no matter how prepared you are for your toast popping up you still get a shock?
←Rate | 10-08-2009 14:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. Soon we were surrounded by lovely drawings of guns.
←Rate | 10-08-2009 14:48 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon just found out why the chicken crossed the road....it's really not that funny
←Rate | 10-08-2009 13:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist
←Rate | 10-08-2009 13:41 by olemissman79 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 'So, Just in case all Hell does freeze over, What's your Number?"
←Rate | 10-08-2009 13:41 by Dylan Bosch of Detroit Lakes, MN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think, therefore we have nothing in common
←Rate | 10-08-2009 13:39 by olemissman79 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know whether to laugh at you or pity you
←Rate | 10-08-2009 13:37 by olemissman79 Comments (0)  


   messageicon has never went to bed with an ugly girl, just woke up with a few THANKS ALCOHOL
←Rate | 10-08-2009 13:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon unfriended several people. Apparently the whole "other people can see what you say on here" concept doesn't resonate with them.
←Rate | 10-08-2009 12:16 by @Jesus Comments (0)  


   messageicon How good was last night? Last night was so good, I actually tried to order a vodka tonic at Jimmy John's Subs...If only you would've seen the cashier's face
←Rate | 10-08-2009 10:08 by @Matt_Rad Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
←Rate | 10-08-2009 01:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon -don't follow my footsteps, I walk into walls
←Rate | 10-07-2009 22:54 by baylee Comments (0)  


   messageicon wishes my lawn was suicidal, then maybe it would cut itself!
←Rate | 10-07-2009 10:34 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon facebook-The only place where married men can poke multiple hotties and stay married.
←Rate | 10-07-2009 09:20 by Piney Comments (0)  


   messageicon out making some changes in his life...leave a message and I'll get back to you. if I don't return your message your one of the changes
←Rate | 10-06-2009 20:12 by @cgrin2049 Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks scare-crows should get Nobel prizes because they are out standing in their field
←Rate | 10-06-2009 04:20 by Name or @twittername Comments (0)  


   messageicon says single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and then go to the fridge..........


   messageicon peeled so many labels off of beer bottles, he'll be able to wallpaper the room that he'd eventually have sex in with them
←Rate | 10-05-2009 15:44 by Yaj Comments (0)  


Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left