Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content
←Rate | 11-20-2009 08:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
←Rate | 11-20-2009 08:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon CONSCIOUSNESS: That annoying time between naps.
←Rate | 11-20-2009 08:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
←Rate | 11-20-2009 08:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
←Rate | 11-20-2009 08:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only thing stronger than a mother's love is a garlic breath!
←Rate | 11-20-2009 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thankful for Mr. Austin Nichols...... you taught me that some people have faith, some have a strong will, but I have your Wild Turkey to get me through.
←Rate | 11-20-2009 07:55 by t-mart Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..will keep a close eye on Santas stat updates. The minute he writes "just passed over crack house with ugly skank looking out window" i'll wave.
←Rate | 11-20-2009 07:21 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to Jared..............and then punched him in the belly for those stupid commercials
←Rate | 11-20-2009 04:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon next time someone with bad breath steps to you repeat the following.. " I dont mean to be mean but you need some listerine, not a sip not a swallow but the whole Damn bottle"..
←Rate | 11-20-2009 03:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just let me know if there's anything I can do this month to further the cause of healthy breasts
←Rate | 11-20-2009 03:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon i would like hippes to realize that it is NOT "all good."
←Rate | 11-20-2009 02:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon caught the chills while peeing.......thank goodness my wife bought these decorative bath towels
←Rate | 11-20-2009 00:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "The question before the human race is, whether the God of nature shall govern the world by his own laws, or whether priests and kings shall rule it by fictitious miracles."
←Rate | 11-19-2009 22:05 by potts Comments (0)  

   messageicon performing random acts of kindness today to totally mess with people
←Rate | 11-19-2009 21:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Forget a dislike button, I'd rather have a 'This makes me want to punch you in the back of the head' button. Especially between now and tomorrow when 96% of you will have the exact same status. New Moon is out or reminding me it's Friday.
←Rate | 11-19-2009 20:42 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sticks and stones may break my bones but words ... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading to a lowered self-esteem and decreased work-related efficiency
←Rate | 11-19-2009 20:07 by john Comments (0)  

   messageicon An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her
←Rate | 11-19-2009 20:06 by john Comments (0)  

   messageicon can finally watch the tv in the afternoon now. Oprah show is going off the air.
←Rate | 11-19-2009 18:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon hacked into Santa's computer,cleared the naughty list out..and has changed "coal" under Present List to "PS3""Wii" and "iphone".
←Rate | 11-19-2009 18:37 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

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