Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said... don't do it man ... you will never hear the end of it
←Rate | 10-05-2009 10:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I always give 100% at work:13% Monday 22% Tuesday 26% Wednesday
←Rate | 10-05-2009 02:22 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon wanted a motorcycle when he left school, but his mother said no. She had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18..... So she said I could just have his.
←Rate | 10-04-2009 05:18 by deithy Comments (0)  

   messageicon .. lost my mood ring, I don't know how I feel about this.
←Rate | 10-03-2009 12:34 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon having a facebook moment!
←Rate | 10-02-2009 17:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering who is gonna bring me my check now that Ed McMahan is gone ?
←Rate | 10-02-2009 16:46 by CSatterfield Comments (0)  

   messageicon thought "John & Kate Plus 8" sounded like a porno-- Now, definitely, "Kate Plus 8" really sounds like one.
←Rate | 10-02-2009 16:38 by Kevin Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's weekend! So drink triple.. see double.. act single!
←Rate | 10-02-2009 10:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you ever feel bad or depressed, just remember you were once the fastest most victorious sperm in the bunch!!
←Rate | 10-02-2009 02:24 by Aravindh Comments (0)  

   messageicon is it just me or does anybody else miss the days when music on the radio sounded good, made sense, and actually required talent to make?????
←Rate | 10-01-2009 19:45 by Vinny Comments (0)  

   messageicon .............ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
←Rate | 10-01-2009 17:30 by Heather Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
←Rate | 10-01-2009 15:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering why is there someone in the fitting room at Macy's shouting "we're all out of toilet paper!!"
←Rate | 10-01-2009 14:37 by trini Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering if my bed was a circle would I still wake up on the wrong side of the bed?
←Rate | 10-01-2009 14:07 by Tammy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If this was 1999, would you have ever thought 10 years from now you could sit on the toilet while updating your facebook status???
←Rate | 10-01-2009 09:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks that they should change the name of Starbucks to Fivebucks
←Rate | 10-01-2009 09:01 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I were an animal, I'd eat vegetarians
←Rate | 10-01-2009 01:16 by Piney Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering if vampires can't cast a reflection in a mirror,why does their hair always look so f@#king nice?
←Rate | 09-30-2009 23:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hitch hikers don't find it as amusing as I do when I give them the thumbs up as I drive by.
←Rate | 09-30-2009 23:01 by Brantly Comments (0)  

   messageicon feels like I am at a crossroad. I know you should take the road less traveled... but then who do you hang out with?
←Rate | 09-30-2009 15:48 Comments (0)  

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