Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If you saw me in the back of a police car, what would you assume put me there?
←Rate | 08-11-2010 17:05 by CJ Comments (1)  


   messageicon Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films. "Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up."
←Rate | 08-11-2010 17:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wasted away again in Margaritaville
←Rate | 08-11-2010 16:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My bank lets me send a text message and it'll text back with my balance. It's a cool feature but I didn't think the LOL was necessary.
←Rate | 08-11-2010 16:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dolphin position?... it's when your having sex doggy style and you go too put it in her ass and she turns around and goes eh eh eh eh.
←Rate | 08-11-2010 15:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon being defiant and popping his microwave popcorn with the "This Side Up" facing down. BITE ME REDEHBACHER!
←Rate | 08-11-2010 15:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For english please press uno. WTH is going on here
←Rate | 08-11-2010 14:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn't mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up.Where are you? You're on Facebook, r
←Rate | 08-11-2010 14:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For every LIKE I receive. I shall drink one Jager-Bomb (Jagermeister + Redbull)
←Rate | 08-11-2010 14:14 by ANGELA Comments (1)  


   messageicon dont waste your time , because time is money, and money is awesome , so dont waste your awesome
←Rate | 08-11-2010 14:07 by ANGELA Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never apologize. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am...
←Rate | 08-11-2010 14:00 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon found $20 under my bed ! my God, my room is so desperate to be cleaned, it's paying me. THE PLAN WORKED
←Rate | 08-11-2010 13:55 by ANGELA Comments (0)  


   messageicon was just thinking if God didn't want us to masturbate he would have made our arms shorter…maybe thats why the Trex was always so angry?
←Rate | 08-11-2010 13:53 by ANGELA Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sharkweek is over, jackass. Humming the theme song to 'Jaws' when the boss is approaching our aisle is no longer funny.
←Rate | 08-11-2010 13:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I don't appear to be listening to you, don't take it personal. I am just not interested in what you're saying.
←Rate | 08-11-2010 13:07 by Dane Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wasn't born or thrust into greatness; I just had the tools and a choice...
←Rate | 08-11-2010 12:58 by ashley joppich Comments (0)  


   messageicon Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
←Rate | 08-11-2010 12:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judge has got a stutter so it doesn't look like I'm getting a sentence.
←Rate | 08-11-2010 12:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon As a young child my mom told me I could be anybody I wanted to be. Turns out the police call it identity theft.
←Rate | 08-11-2010 12:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a little Truth behind every JK, a little Curiosity behind every JW, a little Knowledge behind every IDK, and a little Emotion behind every IDC
←Rate | 08-11-2010 12:41 by ViiKToR Comments (0)  




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