Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The smog is so bad in my city that in the mornig the birds wake me by coughing in stead chirping.
←Rate | 02-16-2018 22:31 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon A reminder on one of my dating profiles says "You should be more popular!" I agree.
←Rate | 02-16-2018 22:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hello dangerous young man! Come and look at our extensive range of military grade, rapid - fire weapons, that can easily eliminate any normal people that question your anti - social and sadistic tendencies!
←Rate | 02-17-2018 06:06 by Truman Comments (6)  

   messageicon When a person gets a dui and kills people we blame the person.. when a person blows up a building we blame that person.. when there is a mass shooting we blame the gun lmao
←Rate | 02-17-2018 06:59 Comments (6)  

   messageicon Did you know that if you light a candle during a full moon and say the name of the person you love three times you will look very stupid doing that.
←Rate | 02-17-2018 09:14 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Today’s hairstyle at Walmart is called, “And I didn’t brush my teeth either.”
←Rate | 02-17-2018 14:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just saved a$1,375.00 on my Visa card by not going to Disney World .
←Rate | 02-17-2018 15:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If running on a treadmill was only way to Recharge our phones, we would be the healthiest people on the planet
←Rate | 02-17-2018 21:17 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Scotty, don't beam me up yet. I am taking a dump.
←Rate | 02-18-2018 03:54 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I see house flies in the flies near why do I never see dragon flies on episodes of Game of Thrones?
←Rate | 02-18-2018 19:56 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon NBA All Star Game: Fergie sang that National Anthem so bad, Collin Kaepernick stood up and told her not to disrespect the Anthem like that.
←Rate | 02-18-2018 21:46 by JW Comments (0)  

   messageicon I guess Prince Harry realize that Trump can't make the royal wedding great.
←Rate | 02-18-2018 22:14 Comments (5)  

   messageicon I just bought the "Best of 2 Pac” CD and it's blank.
←Rate | 02-18-2018 23:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks
←Rate | 02-19-2018 03:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Atheists, spending all their negative energy and life talking about God until they become plant food. What a waste
←Rate | 02-19-2018 03:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon God created the world in 7 days, but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I'm a big deal
←Rate | 02-19-2018 03:58 Comments (1)  

   messageicon What's a burnt pizza, frozen drink & a pregnant girl have in common? In each case there was an idiot who didn't take it out in time
←Rate | 02-19-2018 03:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't believe they remade the Pink Panther movie and changed the name since it stars a b|@ck guy instead. It is just pathetic how blatantly unoriginal Hollywood has gotten these days.
←Rate | 02-19-2018 07:27 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
←Rate | 02-19-2018 07:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
←Rate | 02-19-2018 11:24 Comments (0)  

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