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“In America, anyone can become president” used to feel like more of a promise and less of a threat.
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03-17-2018 12:33
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Nice try "St. Patrick," but I was going to drink anyway. Now...LET'S GET READY TO STUMMMMBLLLLE!
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03-17-2018 14:09 by
JohnY
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My comfort zone is always southern
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03-17-2018 14:24
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Whether you order a six-inch or a foot- long, both you and your sandwich artist are thinking about diks for at least a second...
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03-17-2018 18:29 by
Fadolo
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My wife could get a job in earthquake prediction. She can find a fault quicker than anyone.
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03-17-2018 23:37 by
Jake
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My wife was going wild in the sack last night. I eventually had to get up and let her out of it.
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03-17-2018 23:41 by
Jake
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I'm in my 60's and a three time a night man. So I need to cut back on the liquids I drink before going to bed.
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03-18-2018 00:04 by
Jake
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I start wearing an earring when my wife found it in our bed.
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03-18-2018 00:12 by
Jake
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My brother has stop talking to his wife after she refused to join the mile high club with him. If I know her she doesn't give a flying fu*k.
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03-18-2018 00:32 by
Jake
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Remember that scene where the Hulk smashes Lokie into the ground, my exwife big Tooth did that to the rest of mouth.
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03-18-2018 05:44
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Embarrassment: Is when your 6 year old corrects your spelling when you're spelling out a cuss word.
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03-18-2018 20:42 by
Jake
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{at sports arena} *kiss cam pans to me just as I take a huge bite of a hotdog Me: *panics and seductively licks mustard off my lips.
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03-19-2018 05:51
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Hate when ppl use their zodiac sign to justify sh^tty behavior. Like "sorry I can't help it I'm a Scorpio." No Susan you're just a bi*ch!
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03-19-2018 06:16
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Subway Meatball Sub
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03-19-2018 07:37
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Hillary broke her wrist when she slipped in a bathtub. The bathtub was later found dead with two gunshots in the back of the head. The death has been ruled a suicide.
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03-19-2018 12:29
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Breast reduction is just another way a woman has to get something off her chest.
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03-19-2018 13:44 by
Jake
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Hey Hillary...We do not want to see your food that you and Bill eat.
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03-19-2018 14:31
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Well, hello there Last Straw. I've been expecting you.
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03-19-2018 14:53
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If you want to know how we found out stuff before we had the internet then just google it.
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03-19-2018 14:59
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Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
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03-19-2018 15:19
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