Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just doesn't get it. I go through the drive thru at BK and I hand the kid my credit card. He asks me if it's an American Express... He had my card in his hand; what do you suppose he thought the orange and yellow Mastercard logo was?

   Black cats, ladders, broken mirrors, guys named Jason. I hate Friday the 13th.

   A blind Indian girl wanted me to touch her clothes to see how soft they were. I felt sari for her.

   ..is stealing everyone's watches and changing all the clocks at work. "What? 5 o'clock already? See ya!".

   Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

   Erin Culbertson Did you know that a woman has 3 knees and a man has 4 knees? A woman has a left knee, a right knee, and a hiney. A man has a left knee, a right knee, a hiney, and a weenie.

   if you notice this notice, then you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing

   out like janet jackson's right nipple! g'nite! =)

   wondering why noses run and feet smell?

   the only break in life you get is when you die. Live life to the fullest. Be who you are and let these mortals know who you are, They will never forget you.

   your "sofa king we todd did"

   wishes Carrie Prejean would stop sending me video tapes...I told her it is over.

   says When you go to the drug store to buy condoms, ask them where the fitting room is

   Where are all the virgins that Bin Laden promised me?

   Only Robinson Crusoe had ever everything done by Friday.

   badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom!

   i made a starteling discovery this morning, apparently someone broke into my house last night and stole my "baggie" jeans from last year and replaced them with "skinny" jeans

   The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in.

   What did that nurse say? Brain damage? F**k I was born during an earthquake.

   switching up on you ordinary b!tchesss.