Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Bank Robbery should be legal...afterall, they rob me everytime I turn around!
←Rate | 11-13-2009 20:07 by 8) Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you do something you'll regret in the morning, SLEEP TILL NOON!
←Rate | 11-13-2009 16:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is all about ass. You're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it or trying to get a piece of it.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 16:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This little piggy went to market.This little piggy stayed at home.This little piggy had roast beef.This little piggy had none.And this little piggy had influenza A virus subtype hemagglutinin protein 1 neuraminidase protein 1.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 15:47 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon a confused vas deferens, it doesnt know if its coming or going...
←Rate | 11-13-2009 15:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After my divorce, I realised that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 15:14 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon may appear offline
←Rate | 11-13-2009 14:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just tossed his wifes salad... with a lovely sesame ginger vinaigrette.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 13:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon recommends staying away from Camp Crystal Lake today.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 13:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon filled with corn syrup, artificial ingredients and regret
←Rate | 11-13-2009 12:13 by Suzanne Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks running around a field whilst waving a metal pole in the air is way more exciting when lightning is involved
←Rate | 11-13-2009 12:10 by Kal-El Comments (0)  


   messageicon : Happy Friday the 13th!! Hockey mask... Check... Machete... Check...
←Rate | 11-13-2009 11:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon loves it when his wife butters his toast.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 11:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon did it like this, I did it like that, I did it with a whiffle ball bat...
←Rate | 11-13-2009 11:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wishes he was in Tijuana, eating BBQ'd iguana.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 11:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's Friday 13th. I think I'm going to break a mirror, walk under a ladder, let a black cat walk past me, open an umbrella indoors, spill some salt, wear a hat to bed, step on a crack in the sidewalk.... then call somebody I hate and see if she wants to
←Rate | 11-13-2009 10:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got 2 chickens to paralyze. Thanks Eddy Money for getthing that song into my head this morning. On a side note, I'm getting hungry for KFC.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 09:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks there should be some kind of test for babies in the delivery room; and if they're going to grow up stupid they should be neutered immediately.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 08:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just doesn't get it. I go through the drive thru at BK and I hand the kid my credit card. He asks me if it's an American Express... He had my card in his hand; what do you suppose he thought the orange and yellow Mastercard logo was?
←Rate | 11-13-2009 08:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Black cats, ladders, broken mirrors, guys named Jason. I hate Friday the 13th.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 07:30 by mark1965 Comments (0)  


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