Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon What's the speed limit of sex? 68. Because at 69 you have to turn around.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 15:29 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Police in Texas seized thousands of ecstasy tablets with pictures of Obama's face on them. Drug dealers chose Obama because the pills make you feel hope and change and then send you off to a faraway place.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 13:54 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon two fish, named one, one and the other two.. so if one dies I will still have two. =)
←Rate | 12-05-2009 12:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesn't think both of the Dr.'s hands belong on my shoulders during the prostate exam.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 12:09 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon she is a "case worker". You'd need to drink a case before you work her.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 11:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon stealing mannequin legs -- the make great stocking stuffers.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 11:16 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon that if an old, fat man comes down you chimney tonight, creeps into your bedroom and kidnaps you don't worry! I asked santa for a friend for christmas and he is just getting me one :)
←Rate | 12-05-2009 10:59 by becca :) Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesn't believe "meat curtain" is an appropriate reference for a woaman's parts. But he has to admit, an Arby's "Big Montana" bears a striking resembelance.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 09:51 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon liking ones own status is a sign of self esteem. (X likes this)
←Rate | 12-05-2009 09:46 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tiger Woods went from being "married" to "it's complicated."
←Rate | 12-05-2009 09:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I used to have super powers, but my psychiatrist took them away
←Rate | 12-05-2009 06:35 by Doug Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love cooking with wine. Sometimes,i'll even put it in my food.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 05:13 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just paid $200 to join the National Believers in Reincarnation Club. It cost alot but oh well,you only live once.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 04:48 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon just two away from a threesome last night...
←Rate | 12-05-2009 00:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon word is that Tigers sponsors are not going to drop him. Who would with the slogans "Just do it " and "Is it in you?"
←Rate | 12-04-2009 20:53 by Rich Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why does a blonde have TGIF written on thier shoes? Toes Go In First.
←Rate | 12-04-2009 19:38 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon 99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
←Rate | 12-04-2009 19:27 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon maybe Tiger Woods' relationship status should say "it's really complicated"
←Rate | 12-04-2009 18:33 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chasing a FAT MAN in red with salad, Oh It's SANTA
←Rate | 12-04-2009 18:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon OK I Just Don't Get The Firefly Song ...You would not believe your eyes-If ten million fireflies-Lit up the world as I fell asleep-'Cause they'd fill the open air-And leave teardrops everywhere-You'd think me rude-But I would just stand and stare
←Rate | 12-04-2009 17:31 Comments (0)  

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