Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Stephen Hawking has died. Now he will have to face the God he said does not exist.
←Rate | 03-14-2018 07:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth.. She was down to the final four.
←Rate | 03-14-2018 07:30 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon pi day & hump must be "Jason Biggs day"
←Rate | 03-14-2018 08:21 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Πr² ? No. Pie are round. Cake are square.
←Rate | 03-14-2018 10:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now that Steven Hawking is gone, who will do the emergency alert broadcasts on the radio?
←Rate | 03-14-2018 11:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Turtles are lucky because they come with their own nap forts.
←Rate | 03-14-2018 14:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can take the New Yorker out of New York, but you can't take the New York out of the New Yorker.
←Rate | 03-14-2018 14:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do necrophyliacs need dead batteries for their sex toys?
←Rate | 03-14-2018 16:11 by Vlad Comments (0)  

   messageicon Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, here’s a gentle reminder that the moon’s diameter is 3475Km in diameter and you could not have fked this up more
←Rate | 03-14-2018 16:59 by Chencho Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women have options. Men have responsibilities.
←Rate | 03-14-2018 19:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't decide whether to install a TV in the bathroom or a urinal in the family room.
←Rate | 03-14-2018 20:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I used to think women were the weaker sex until the first night my wife took all the bed covers
←Rate | 03-14-2018 20:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A good way to understand the importance of wood grain is to pet a cat.
←Rate | 03-14-2018 20:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Somebody needs to invent a Keurig but for fudge brownies
←Rate | 03-14-2018 21:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you cross a 4-leaf clover with poison ivy you'll end up with a rash of good luck.
←Rate | 03-15-2018 00:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A best friend is like a four leaf clover. They're both hard to find and lucky to have.
←Rate | 03-15-2018 00:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I lost my job as a Walmart greeter. Apparently it's okay when people enter the store to say, "Welcome to Walmart" . . . but not okay to add "and that's not just the booze talking, either!"
←Rate | 03-15-2018 01:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The real reason Trump has fired so many people is, he really likes eating their going away cake.
←Rate | 03-15-2018 01:34 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Over the top, over the top, over the top. Stop with the Jan Brady already .
←Rate | 03-15-2018 02:40 by 25the45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I put the Nicoderm patch on my exhaust pipe & it still smokes. I don't think those work as good as they claim
←Rate | 03-15-2018 08:34 by Eddy Comments (0)  

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