Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
←Rate | 11-22-2009 09:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Only great, awesome, wonderful people can read this. And only the truly gifted can actually comment on it!
←Rate | 11-22-2009 09:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently while handling guns in the hunting department at Walmart, it's not a good idea to ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are
←Rate | 11-22-2009 09:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
←Rate | 11-22-2009 09:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was about to put something very profound here, but I couldn't think of a thing...
←Rate | 11-22-2009 09:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was bored so I went to Walmart, Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while then yelled very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!” boy was that employee freaked out!!!
←Rate | 11-22-2009 08:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hasnt Slept since thursday night.....Id like to request a moment of silence for all the innocent Brain cells lost over the events of the last 48hrs, you will be greatly missed. kk time 4 sleep
←Rate | 11-22-2009 05:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I used to have an invisible friend, then I stopped going to church.
←Rate | 11-22-2009 04:47 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon The other day I phoned my local pizza delivery firm and asked for a thin and crusty supreme.They sent me Diana Ross
←Rate | 11-22-2009 04:43 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mickey Mouse is now 81 years old. He's now the oldest rodent in show business, unless you count that thing on Donald Trump's head.
←Rate | 11-22-2009 01:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon not spoiled...... I deserve all my stuff.
←Rate | 11-22-2009 01:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon lets play carpenter, first we get hammerd, then I nail you!
←Rate | 11-21-2009 23:31 by Aune Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering since Ben & Jerrys came out with Hubby Hubby ice cream for gays, when they gonna make Carpet Munch Crunch ice cream for all the hot lesbians?
←Rate | 11-21-2009 19:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Extends his rear out to anyone who wants to see New Moon
←Rate | 11-21-2009 17:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Blue Moon > New Moon...
←Rate | 11-21-2009 16:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon not suitable for all audiences...contains bad language from the start and scenes of a sexual nature
←Rate | 11-21-2009 12:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called Wedding Cake.
←Rate | 11-21-2009 12:03 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon YOU HAVE BEEN TAGGED: Send this status message to 10 people and your luck will not change what so ever....
←Rate | 11-21-2009 11:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon with your cousin.... in your bed...using your video camera
←Rate | 11-21-2009 11:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon don't go for looks; looks can deceive. don't go for wealth; that can fade. go for the one who puts a smile on your face because a smile can make a dark day seem bright
←Rate | 11-21-2009 06:21 by becca Comments (0)  

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