Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
←Rate | 12-07-2009 21:30 by potts Comments (0)  

   messageicon went to a doctor and got tested positive.. for being the shiittt!
←Rate | 12-07-2009 19:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
←Rate | 12-07-2009 19:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
←Rate | 12-07-2009 19:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it
←Rate | 12-07-2009 19:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
←Rate | 12-07-2009 19:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.
←Rate | 12-07-2009 19:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
←Rate | 12-07-2009 19:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
←Rate | 12-07-2009 19:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
←Rate | 12-07-2009 19:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
←Rate | 12-07-2009 19:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths
←Rate | 12-07-2009 19:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon passed a homeless guy on the way to the Coinstar machine today. "Sorry, I have no change" was that awkward.....
←Rate | 12-07-2009 19:21 by Pineapple Comments (0)  

   messageicon Either my memory is getting shorter or the commercials are getting longer. Either way,by the time the shows back on,i've forgotten what I was watching!
←Rate | 12-07-2009 18:49 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual harassment. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $2.50 a minute.
←Rate | 12-07-2009 17:51 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets
←Rate | 12-07-2009 14:35 by Snypa Comments (0)  

   messageicon I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark
←Rate | 12-07-2009 13:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Where is the “good” in goodbye?
←Rate | 12-07-2009 13:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your gonna be two faced at least make one of em pretty!
←Rate | 12-07-2009 13:34 by zee Comments (0)  

   messageicon With fame I become more and more stupid, which of course is a very common phenomenon.
←Rate | 12-07-2009 13:31 Comments (0)  

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