Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Next time you sit on a toilet today, please take the time to have a moment of silence for Elvis Presley.

   Won't be on for a while guys, just got arrested for 20 grams of Marijuana.

   just because they CAN put a mosque there doesn't make it morally right. In fact it's the biggest slap in the face to us.

   'u know what I'm sayin, you know what I'm sayin' -- No I dont know what the f**k your sayin !

   I write like this not..."LyK Dis"....because I am an adult and I am not retarded.

   Daffy Duck calls the hotel desk and asks for a condom. They ask "shall we put it on your bill", she says "are you thucking thupid i'll thuffocate!"......

   When things go wrong as they usually will and your daily road seems all uphill, when funds are low and debts are high, when you try to smile but can only cry. when you really feel like you should quit, don't call me, I don't give a S#@t.

   havin octopus for dinner tonight :)

   We're not old people we're recycled teenagers!!!!!

   The angle of the dangle is inversely proportional to the heat of the meat.

   Sky-diving: good til the last drop.

   POVERTY: Having too much month left at the end of the money.

   Schizophrenia beats being alone.

   Blow your mind -- smoke gunpowder.

   Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.

   If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

   The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

   I think I drink too much... my liver is so shriveled, black and dead, if you put your ear up to it you can hear Gary Coleman.

   i don't always drink beer but when I do I prefer to get wasted

   Quick!! Someone make a status update about tomorrow being Monday and how you're already counting down the days until the weekend is here...