Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5673 of 5742

   messageicon peeled so many labels off of beer bottles, he'll be able to wallpaper the room that he'd eventually have sex in with them
←Rate | 10-05-2009 15:44 by Yaj Comments (0)  

   messageicon plans on dressing up as Kanye West for Halloween and just before the kids yell "Trick or Treat", jump out of the bushes and yell "Christmas is better".
←Rate | 10-05-2009 15:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said... don't do it man ... you will never hear the end of it
←Rate | 10-05-2009 10:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I always give 100% at work:13% Monday 22% Tuesday 26% Wednesday
←Rate | 10-05-2009 02:22 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon wanted a motorcycle when he left school, but his mother said no. She had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18..... So she said I could just have his.
←Rate | 10-04-2009 05:18 by deithy Comments (0)  

   messageicon .. lost my mood ring, I don't know how I feel about this.
←Rate | 10-03-2009 12:34 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon having a facebook moment!
←Rate | 10-02-2009 17:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering who is gonna bring me my check now that Ed McMahan is gone ?
←Rate | 10-02-2009 16:46 by CSatterfield Comments (0)  

   messageicon thought "John & Kate Plus 8" sounded like a porno-- Now, definitely, "Kate Plus 8" really sounds like one.
←Rate | 10-02-2009 16:38 by Kevin Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's weekend! So drink triple.. see double.. act single!
←Rate | 10-02-2009 10:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you ever feel bad or depressed, just remember you were once the fastest most victorious sperm in the bunch!!
←Rate | 10-02-2009 02:24 by Aravindh Comments (0)  

   messageicon is it just me or does anybody else miss the days when music on the radio sounded good, made sense, and actually required talent to make?????
←Rate | 10-01-2009 19:45 by Vinny Comments (0)  

   messageicon .............ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
←Rate | 10-01-2009 17:30 by Heather Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
←Rate | 10-01-2009 15:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering why is there someone in the fitting room at Macy's shouting "we're all out of toilet paper!!"
←Rate | 10-01-2009 14:37 by trini Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering if my bed was a circle would I still wake up on the wrong side of the bed?
←Rate | 10-01-2009 14:07 by Tammy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If this was 1999, would you have ever thought 10 years from now you could sit on the toilet while updating your facebook status???
←Rate | 10-01-2009 09:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks that they should change the name of Starbucks to Fivebucks
←Rate | 10-01-2009 09:01 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I were an animal, I'd eat vegetarians
←Rate | 10-01-2009 01:16 by Piney Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering if vampires can't cast a reflection in a mirror,why does their hair always look so f@#king nice?
←Rate | 09-30-2009 23:07 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left