Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 5673 of 5785

   messageicon walking through the forest dressed as a deer
←Rate | 11-17-2009 18:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering why people who work at Tim Hortons are SLOW? I mean come on are you that screwed up in which you actually have to ask someone if they "would like a tray" for those 5 coffees they ordered. Use your brain people!!!
←Rate | 11-17-2009 18:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon : BREAKING NEWS.... Scientist have discovered a cure for apathy, but no one seems to care.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 16:16 by wfbphoto Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 15:10 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon was a war baby. My parents took one look at me and started fighting
←Rate | 11-17-2009 14:40 by anna Comments (0)  


   messageicon fairly certain the only reason that so many stupid and obnoxious people are still alive is that murder's illegal
←Rate | 11-17-2009 14:36 by Methical401 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wonders if "I Am" is the shortest sentence in the English language, does that make "I Do" the longest sentence?
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon heard the Washington Bullets want to change their name to something not associated with crime. They're just gonna be called the Bullets.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon find that job you love and never work a day in your life
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:52 by Ram Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mondays aren't so bad...it's my job that sucks.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:16 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon spends 90% of his salary on booze and women... the rest I just waste
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:13 by john ambler Comments (0)  


   messageicon A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys are like roses. You've got to watch out for the pricks.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men are only as loyal as their options.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon my wife is so immature... I would be in the bath and she would come home and sink my boats
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:02 by john ambler Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It would be nice if the Food and Drug Administration stopped issuing warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or two things still safe to eat.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 13:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 12:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon going to party like it's 2012.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 10:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon playing with a full deck.
←Rate | 11-17-2009 09:59 Comments (0)  


Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left