Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Every womans' dream is a nice big wedding. Every mans' nightmare is a nice big wedding
←Rate | 12-13-2009 20:27 by mat2sm00th Comments (0)  

   messageicon Having a baby changes the way you view your in-laws. I love it when they come to visit now. They can hold the baby and I can go out.
←Rate | 12-13-2009 17:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Joe Dirt says 'Lifes a garden Dig It' I say 'life is NOT a garden so stop being a hoe!'
←Rate | 12-13-2009 17:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tiger woods just changed his Relationship to: "it's Complicated
←Rate | 12-13-2009 17:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever looked at other people and think to yourself "I'm just better than you"......welcome to my life
←Rate | 12-13-2009 14:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How about those White House crashers? The other day they also crashed the Black Caucus, and if you've seen then, you know that's quite a trick.
←Rate | 12-13-2009 14:26 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering if unemployment will be sending me a christmas bonus?
←Rate | 12-13-2009 11:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “There are better things in life than alcohol, but alcohol makes up for not having them
←Rate | 12-13-2009 10:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist exchange places
←Rate | 12-13-2009 09:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
←Rate | 12-13-2009 01:47 by BONUS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Brad Pitt once asked me out. I was in his room.
←Rate | 12-13-2009 01:26 by BONUS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
←Rate | 12-13-2009 01:24 by BONUS Comments (0)  

   messageicon If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
←Rate | 12-13-2009 01:22 by BONUS Comments (0)  

   messageicon If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
←Rate | 12-13-2009 01:21 by BONUS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
←Rate | 12-13-2009 01:18 by BONUS Comments (0)  

   messageicon You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
←Rate | 12-13-2009 01:17 by BONUS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge.
←Rate | 12-13-2009 00:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon more then a lil surprise Mark Ingram won the Heisman Trophy, I thought Obama had it in da bag?!?!?
←Rate | 12-12-2009 23:25 by Todd Rollison Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just read a list of 'the 100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them...
←Rate | 12-12-2009 23:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon who had the bright idea of putting an "s" in the word lisp?
←Rate | 12-12-2009 22:52 Comments (0)  

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