Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5671 of 5787

   messageicon remembers when Vampires were Scary, not Sexy...
←Rate | 11-20-2009 12:42 by Vitamin N Comments (0)  

   messageicon It does'nt matter how hot she is,,, there is someone else out there who is sick of her $h!t
←Rate | 11-20-2009 12:17 by sd Comments (0)  

   messageicon It dont get no better, it just get different
←Rate | 11-20-2009 12:15 by sd Comments (0)  

   messageicon just had a very interesting conversation with the mirror.
←Rate | 11-20-2009 11:25 by Sarah Jane Comments (0)  

   messageicon Warning for all you weekend basketball league playing guys: Be leary of the guy who smacks you on the butt and says "Nice shot, man!" when you didn't even take a shot...
←Rate | 11-20-2009 09:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon will listen, if you'll talk about me...
←Rate | 11-20-2009 09:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon yesterday I said I was gonna FML...i did....but I forgot i'm screwed
←Rate | 11-20-2009 09:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon notices that its been so windy of late that even the water in his toilet was choppy!
←Rate | 11-20-2009 09:17 by deithy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content
←Rate | 11-20-2009 08:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
←Rate | 11-20-2009 08:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon CONSCIOUSNESS: That annoying time between naps.
←Rate | 11-20-2009 08:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
←Rate | 11-20-2009 08:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
←Rate | 11-20-2009 08:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only thing stronger than a mother's love is a garlic breath!
←Rate | 11-20-2009 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thankful for Mr. Austin Nichols...... you taught me that some people have faith, some have a strong will, but I have your Wild Turkey to get me through.
←Rate | 11-20-2009 07:55 by t-mart Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..will keep a close eye on Santas stat updates. The minute he writes "just passed over crack house with ugly skank looking out window" i'll wave.
←Rate | 11-20-2009 07:21 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to Jared..............and then punched him in the belly for those stupid commercials
←Rate | 11-20-2009 04:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon next time someone with bad breath steps to you repeat the following.. " I dont mean to be mean but you need some listerine, not a sip not a swallow but the whole Damn bottle"..
←Rate | 11-20-2009 03:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just let me know if there's anything I can do this month to further the cause of healthy breasts
←Rate | 11-20-2009 03:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon i would like hippes to realize that it is NOT "all good."
←Rate | 11-20-2009 02:32 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left