Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Star Wars day. May the 4th be with you all.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 01:50 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My wife's nagging started right on cue. "Stand up straight..... Don't sluch..... Look at me when I'm talking to you." I don't know why I keep rewatching our wedding tape.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 08:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I am feeling good about myself I call my wife to take it down a notch
←Rate | 05-04-2018 08:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when teenage girls kept a diary and got pissed off if anyone read it? Now days they put everything on facebook and get pissed off when they don't.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 08:36 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon "We are not even close." -Romans building Rome, end of first day.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 09:01 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I keep staring into the sky and I still cannot figure out which cloud has all my data.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 09:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her and yell "DON'T DIE ON ME!" and then people always clap when she wakes up.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 10:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The French eat snails because they don't like fast food.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 14:32 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are you bored and broke? Do you have 40 spare hours to fill every week ? Would you like to earn thousands of dollars a month? Then get a job like the rest of us you bumb.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 16:11 by Jake Comments (5)  


   messageicon Egghead: What mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty
←Rate | 05-04-2018 17:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon We need a montage of dads trying to order for the whole family in drive-thrus
←Rate | 05-04-2018 22:12 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
←Rate | 05-05-2018 07:14 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Jeremiah was a bullfrog. True story.
←Rate | 05-05-2018 07:16 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Countless individuals over the last 80 years have spent millions of hours on the development of the electronic computer. All so I can sit at my desk yelling "Hurry up you piece of crap!"
←Rate | 05-05-2018 09:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mint julep or tequila? Happy Kentucky de Mayo!!!
←Rate | 05-05-2018 10:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got 40 winks on the suaway........ I knew I shouldn't of worn this pink T-shirt.
←Rate | 05-05-2018 16:27 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon Fat Girls out Here With Crop Tops Looking like Winnie the Pooh 🤣
←Rate | 05-05-2018 19:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a horse in the Kentucky Derby, his name would be... How-Much-Wood-Could-A-Woodchuck-Chuck-If-A-Woodchuck-Could-Chuck-Wood .
←Rate | 05-05-2018 19:27 by Trudge Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife is so fat that she keeps walking into things....... Like Mc. Donald's Dunkin Donuts Dairy Queen etc etc etc
←Rate | 05-05-2018 20:07 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hear they're making a remake of the Never Ending Story. It starts with a man asking a woman how her day was.
←Rate | 05-05-2018 20:12 by Jake Comments (0)  




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