Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My ex girlfriend auditioned for American idol. She said if she got through, she would be on "Cloud 9". I told her she was more suited for "Destrict 9"
←Rate | 01-22-2010 13:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I measure the wealth of my day by asking myself did I add more friends today over friends who have deleted me on Facebook
←Rate | 01-22-2010 13:29 by ds Comments (0)  

   messageicon Many years ago,Ozzy Osbourne asked me how he could get publicity to help his music career. I told him he needed a bright red hat. He thought I said "bite the head off a bat". And the rest,of course is history.
←Rate | 01-22-2010 13:10 by JEREMY CAKES Comments (0)  

   messageicon never apologizes. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am....
←Rate | 01-22-2010 12:59 by Y.P Comments (0)  

   messageicon Where there's smoke, the possibility exists I might be cooking...
←Rate | 01-22-2010 10:44 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon These internet scams must make it difficult for legitimate Nigerian officials to share huge sums of money with strangers
←Rate | 01-22-2010 10:42 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Damn court sux. If I ever got pooled 4 jury duty I would start all my answers w/ "According to the phrophecy..."
←Rate | 01-22-2010 09:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway!
←Rate | 01-22-2010 08:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office." - Robert Frost
←Rate | 01-22-2010 07:35 by jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon wishes everyone involved in the Global Warming debate would all just Chill Out.
←Rate | 01-22-2010 07:30 by marymc Comments (0)  

   messageicon scared of fortune cookies, mine said: this message will self destruct in five seconds.
←Rate | 01-22-2010 03:43 by Smin Comments (0)  

   messageicon you know that feeling when you pick your nose and it all comes out in one long string... thats how I feel right now!
←Rate | 01-22-2010 01:51 by geez Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough.
←Rate | 01-22-2010 01:04 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.
←Rate | 01-22-2010 01:03 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I like to pretend I'm a Jedi Master and use the force to open automatic doors like at walmart.
←Rate | 01-22-2010 00:58 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know those camp grounds where you have to pay to sleep outside? I wonder if those are offensive to homeless people??
←Rate | 01-21-2010 22:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do people think Memento is so much better than Dude Where's My Car? They are basically the same movie.
←Rate | 01-21-2010 21:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon trying to decide - laundry today or naked tomorrow?
←Rate | 01-21-2010 20:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the difference between michael jackson and acne is that acne waits till your twelve to come all over your face
←Rate | 01-21-2010 20:31 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon if it weren't for elephants and penguins, I would not be able to eat ice cream on a sailboat
←Rate | 01-21-2010 18:53 Comments (0)  

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