Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I think I am going to donate to Haiti and Chili as much as they donated to us when we were struck with Hurricane Katrina…… oh that's right that would be nothing! No one came to help us, and we still haven't finished cleaning up form from our natur
←Rate | 03-02-2010 09:28 Comments (8)  

   messageicon seize the moment! Remember all those people on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart...
←Rate | 03-02-2010 08:01 by GirlX Comments (1)  

   messageicon sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair spins
←Rate | 03-02-2010 07:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon going to create his own costume and fight crime
←Rate | 03-02-2010 07:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
←Rate | 03-02-2010 07:06 by Mduduzi Comments (0)  

   messageicon The definiton of success: The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted: So to be successful, set low standards, to be a failure and frustrated, set very high standards.
←Rate | 03-02-2010 07:03 by Mduduzi Comments (0)  

   messageicon My therapist just prescribed all new meds for my March madness.
←Rate | 03-02-2010 06:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
←Rate | 03-02-2010 06:25 by Mduduzi Comments (0)  

   messageicon feels sorry for all the hassle Toyota drivers have had to put up with the last few weeks, they deserve a brake...
←Rate | 03-02-2010 04:53 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate it when you are looking for something and you realize that it is in your hand.
←Rate | 03-02-2010 04:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon loves a woman in uniform...unless she's in my rearview mirror.
←Rate | 03-02-2010 04:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm sorry, I'm about to lose you because I'm about to drive into a tunnel in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone.
←Rate | 03-02-2010 04:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon apparently theres a board game named after the Titanic.. whats next, 9/11 jenga?
←Rate | 03-02-2010 03:40 Comments (1)  

   messageicon roses are read violets are blue dont wear a pony tail while training shamu,
←Rate | 03-02-2010 03:33 Comments (1)  

   messageicon became a fan of not becoming a fan of everything on facebook.
←Rate | 03-02-2010 03:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon currently under the influence of cold and flu actions can not be held against me!!
←Rate | 03-02-2010 00:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Bachelor= The downfall of reality tv. OR was it Ellen taking Paula Abdul's place, OR is it the fact that Howerd Stern may be taking Sinon Cowell's place next season.
←Rate | 03-01-2010 23:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon was on the street and he saw an ugly pregnant lady, and he just thought, 'Good for you.'
←Rate | 03-01-2010 23:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Words of Wisdom: it's easier to change a condom than it is to change a diaper
←Rate | 03-01-2010 21:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did I study? Nah. Did I buy a fancy pencil? You better beleive it.
←Rate | 03-01-2010 21:12 by Fat Alec Comments (0)  

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