Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If God is inside us, then I hope he likes enchiladas
←Rate | 04-18-2010 04:40 by MG Comments (0)  

   messageicon   When did I realize I was God? Well I was praying, and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
←Rate | 04-18-2010 04:38 by MG Comments (0)  

   messageicon has been kidnapped by her bed, don't worry - should be able to break free in the morning ;)
←Rate | 04-18-2010 02:57 by Bindi Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why was the blonde angry when she got her driver's license? Because she couldn't believe she had an F in sex.
←Rate | 04-18-2010 02:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lady in labor, shouting the usual sh!t, “Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!” She turns to her boyfriend and says, “You did this to me, you f&cker!” He casually replies, “If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your a$$, but you said, ‘f&c
←Rate | 04-18-2010 01:16 by paulb808 Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to legend, the only way to appease the volcano in Iceland is to sacrifice Miley Cyrus & Justin Bieber.
←Rate | 04-18-2010 00:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hard math problem. Studies have shown that the people who solve this usually have an IQ of 120 or more. If 2+3=10, 6+5=66, 7+9=112, 12+8=240 then.. 14+3=?
←Rate | 04-18-2010 00:19 Comments (4)  

   messageicon If I had a nickel for every time I ignored your Facebook request I'd have enough to buy a real farm.
←Rate | 04-18-2010 00:14 by paulb808 Comments (0)  

   messageicon accidentally turned off his facebook anti crap filter and was scared by the amount of quizzes, farm, fairyland, mafia and virtual f&cking cupcake crap you people post, if it wasn't for facebook purity I would delete alot of you
←Rate | 04-18-2010 00:12 by paulb808 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
←Rate | 04-18-2010 00:08 by paulb808 Comments (0)  

   messageicon facebook – Never letting you forget any of the douchebags you've fuct
←Rate | 04-18-2010 00:07 by paulb808 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Craigslist hooker turned out to be a man. It has been over an hour and he won't take a hint to leave. He can keep my 200 bucks. This was a poor idea.
←Rate | 04-18-2010 00:06 by paulb808 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm addicted to cold turkey and I don't know how to quit it.
←Rate | 04-17-2010 23:32 by Vito Comments (0)  

   messageicon is the natural alternative to paracetamol and vodka....yes ladies you heard it here first LOL
←Rate | 04-17-2010 21:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
←Rate | 04-17-2010 17:43 by Vito Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think, therefore I am overqualified.
←Rate | 04-17-2010 17:30 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon In case of emergency, break glass, scream, bleed to death.
←Rate | 04-17-2010 17:29 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon "We are upping our standards... so up yours!"
←Rate | 04-17-2010 17:27 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon added my friend Jamal as a neighbour on Farmville yesterday.I logged on this morning to find that all my chickens had been stolen and he'd opened up a KFC
←Rate | 04-17-2010 17:24 by Lard Comments (2)  

   messageicon entering the doors of a chinease buffet and a little kid said, "daddy, I think I just heard a dog bark."
←Rate | 04-17-2010 17:21 Comments (0)  

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