Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5659 of 5817

   messageicon World population :7,618,921,693. ­.... Just in case someone starts feeling too important
←Rate | 01-17-2018 03:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Common sense is so rare this days, it should almost be classified as a superpower
←Rate | 01-17-2018 03:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Word of the day: Ididarod - Monica Lewinski's autobiography.
←Rate | 01-17-2018 08:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe, just maybe, if more teenagers got their mouths washed out with soap as a child by their parents, these idiots wouldn't be attempting a "Tide Pod Challenge" .....
←Rate | 01-17-2018 11:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Are we really that bored and stupid as a country that the “Tide Pod Challenge “ is even a thing? Wtf
←Rate | 01-17-2018 12:49 by Cicci Comments (10)  

   messageicon I mix my Tide Pods with Red Bull so I get the benefit of clean energy.......
←Rate | 01-17-2018 17:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There were no Tide pods back in my day....we just ate it by the scoop like maniacs
←Rate | 01-17-2018 18:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Somewhere in Michigan an 8-year-old boy farted half a beat before that meteor set off an earthquake. It was the greatest moment of his life.
←Rate | 01-17-2018 19:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When we first ment on a blind date my girlfriend wasn't that interested in me. Untill she saw me lick my eyebrows.
←Rate | 01-17-2018 21:02 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Telling a female "you look just like my daughter" is not a very good pickup line to use, even to a pornstar.
←Rate | 01-17-2018 22:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just wonder when they are going to post the videos of the new teen challenge "blow off your left leg challenge" or the new "decapitate yourself challenge"
←Rate | 01-18-2018 01:42 by Cyndi Comments (3)  

   messageicon Someone should invent an alarm clock that automatically reports you sick when you've pressed snooze 3 times
←Rate | 01-18-2018 04:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife and I got one of those board games for couples to spice things up. It quickly turned into a game of Sorry, which led to me playing a game of Uno
←Rate | 01-18-2018 04:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon He floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee......Happy the LEGENDARY Man Muhammad Ali
←Rate | 01-18-2018 04:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
←Rate | 01-18-2018 06:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Boss: You're fired Me: *turns in my gun and my badge* Boss: You're a waiter where did you get those
←Rate | 01-18-2018 12:14 Comments (2)  

   messageicon You’re multifaceted like a diamond, or a schizophrenic.
←Rate | 01-18-2018 14:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tide pods are just cleaning up the people that should have been stains in the first place.
←Rate | 01-18-2018 19:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trying to find a name for your child really exposes how many people you have met in your life that you now hate
←Rate | 01-18-2018 20:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I keep failing this captcha test and now I think I may be a robot
←Rate | 01-18-2018 20:52 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left