Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Teacher said taking responsibility is key to being an adult and she asked what’s wrong today and who do we blame? Student (7th grade) - I blame all of us for Nov 8th, 2016. Sums it up right!
←Rate | 11-30-2017 08:37 by Harry Comments (5)  

   messageicon The Denver Broncos today announced Al Bundy as their new starting Quarterback.
←Rate | 11-30-2017 13:49 by TallMtnMan Comments (3)  

   messageicon This is probably not the year to hang mistletoe around the workplace.
←Rate | 12-01-2017 09:18 by MarkM Comments (0)  

   messageicon If white privilege exists, then why did Senator Warren have to pretend to be an Indian?
←Rate | 12-01-2017 10:17 by Blackmail Comments (4)  

   messageicon ME [during sex]: Ugh I love you so much babe HER: Mmmmmm I love you too sexy PRIEST: The kiss was all we needed
←Rate | 12-01-2017 15:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The problem with talking to people on the phone is that they expect you to pay attention.
←Rate | 12-01-2017 15:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wouldn't recommend hanging up mistletoe at the office this year.
←Rate | 12-01-2017 17:46 by pj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Funny how Flynn went from "lock her up" to maybe being locked up.
←Rate | 12-01-2017 17:51 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Breaking news: Santa Claus accused of sexual harassment for having girls sit on his lap and asking if they are naughty.
←Rate | 12-01-2017 18:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gotta listen to the little man inside. The little man knows all. Unless, your little man is an idiot.
←Rate | 12-01-2017 19:03 Comments (1)  

   messageicon President Trump has golden hair like the Golden Child of mythic olden tales. Like, everything that he touches turns to gold. #GoldenPOTUS
←Rate | 12-01-2017 19:04 Comments (1)  

   messageicon You can’t say that President Trump hasn’t Tweeted you well.
←Rate | 12-01-2017 19:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 1st of December and I already gained 3 pounds. Fml.
←Rate | 12-01-2017 22:01 by Yatusabe Comments (1)  

   messageicon Took the kids to the zoo today and spent the first 30 mins explaining why the animals are not in alphabetical order like their favorite book
←Rate | 12-01-2017 22:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you survive any given fashion fad, you are allowed to wear it forever according to my dad
←Rate | 12-01-2017 22:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can finally join the crowd that says THE BOOK WAS BETTER now that most movies are about comic book heroes
←Rate | 12-01-2017 22:58 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tyler Perry is among the many Hollywood celebrities facing sexual harassment allegations. Apparently he's been touching Madea for years.
←Rate | 12-01-2017 23:42 by Deadman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whoever said technology will replace paper... has obviously never tried to wipe their ass with an iPad
←Rate | 12-02-2017 04:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know it's cold outside when you go outside and trip over dog poop instead of stepping in it
←Rate | 12-02-2017 04:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only thing more awkward than buying condoms would be returning them
←Rate | 12-02-2017 04:05 Comments (0)  

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