Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I came...I saw....I decided to order take out !
←Rate | 07-20-2009 17:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yesterday the house was clean, sorry you missed it.
←Rate | 07-20-2009 17:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Shake the family tree...and watch the nuts fall !!
←Rate | 07-20-2009 17:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Employees caught speaking Spanish will be paid in Pesos.
←Rate | 07-20-2009 17:10 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standard
←Rate | 07-20-2009 15:16 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon a Person In Management Position (PIMP)
←Rate | 07-20-2009 14:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders why is it that when a man talks nasty to a woman it's harassment, but when a woman talks nasty to a man it's £3.99 a minute
←Rate | 07-20-2009 10:23 by jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon If twitter went away, would anyone care?
←Rate | 07-17-2009 14:35 by Danmanz Comments (1)  

   messageicon unique just like everyone in here!
←Rate | 07-16-2009 07:56 by Yaasir Comments (0)  

   messageicon going to read your status updates through a kaleidoscope... it's more fun that way.
←Rate | 07-16-2009 07:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon geting behind early so she can have plenty of time to catch up
←Rate | 07-16-2009 00:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon hated it when old aunts used to come up to her at weddings, poke her in the ribs and cackle, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals
←Rate | 07-16-2009 00:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon feels ashamed of his smoking but it's better that I smoke and let the dreams of the cigarette makers come true then to be selfish and worry about my lungs
←Rate | 07-16-2009 00:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ha ha suckers, gullible IS in the dictionary, I checked....
←Rate | 07-15-2009 21:30 by RikkiSowtz Comments (0)  

   messageicon if nothing goes right for you .... Go left!
←Rate | 07-15-2009 13:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesn't want to follow you on twitter because you're not going anywhere.
←Rate | 07-15-2009 11:39 by Danmanz Comments (3)  

   messageicon proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
←Rate | 07-15-2009 04:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon - Hard drive, floppy drive, flash drive, stiffy disk. Who comes up with these names?
←Rate | 07-14-2009 16:42 by Lloyd Comments (0)  

   messageicon calling someone out on Facebook is like winning the gold medal in the Special Olympics: In the end, you are still retarded.
←Rate | 07-14-2009 16:33 by Ken Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering ... When Weird Al Yankovic dies, will they do a parody of Michael Jackson's memorial?
←Rate | 07-12-2009 12:02 by Ron Comments (0)  

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