Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5650 of 6369
If you are among the cream of dairy inspectors, nothing cheesy gets pasteurize.
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08-26-2010 20:20
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"I am sick of people getting "offended" by what I say...put on your big girl panties and deal with it
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08-26-2010 20:17
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Don't make someone your priority if they only make you an option!!
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08-26-2010 19:57
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Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and then a diet coke?
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08-26-2010 19:39 by MBH
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If you don't have the courage to walk alone others will not have the courage to walk with you.
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08-26-2010 19:32
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God said: "I cannot be everywhere, So I created MOTHER!" The Devil Replied: "Even I can't be everywhere, So I created MOTHER-IN-LAW!!!"
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08-26-2010 19:20
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Women you want to be equal to Men... Send us flowers to work, pick us up for a date, open the car or any door for us, take us out to dinner and a movie flip the bill and leave the tip and you make the first move at the end of the date!!!
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08-26-2010 17:58
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I like to screw with the customer service girl at Kroger.I go to the coinstar machine and put in 74 cents and then take the receipt to customer service just to see the look on her face!
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08-26-2010 17:56 by kczep82
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When I was older I used to love playing around with time machines.
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08-26-2010 17:49 by MBH
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Women are better at hiding cheating, Men are better at Cheating.
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08-26-2010 17:43
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A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.
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08-26-2010 17:22
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I'm never going to grow up. I'm just going to stop hiding what I do from my parents and start hiding it from my kids.
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08-26-2010 16:54 by MBH
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Money can't buy happiness? I just bought THE best package of vanilla frosting covered cupcakes of all time, for $5. I'm happier than a dog with two peters.
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08-26-2010 16:54
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... CAT RULE #2: Get plenty of sleep so you can play at 4am
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08-26-2010 16:51 by MBH
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I just got a job that pays .000002 million!!
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08-26-2010 16:47 by MBH
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Obama says... It would be very helpful to me if the rest of you would please stop striving for excellence.
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08-26-2010 16:45 by MBH
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When I get rich the first thing I'm going to do is to buy a new butt, because the one I have now has a crack in it.
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08-26-2010 16:42 by MBH
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The fastest way to get ahold of a live person at AT&T is to scream obscenities at the voice prompts.
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08-26-2010 16:41 by MBH
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So gingivitis isn't the fear of redheads?
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08-26-2010 16:40 by MBH
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All you get when you pick my pocket is practice...
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08-26-2010 16:17 by Aaron
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