Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon wondering....Do the Fox sponsored "tea party" sheeple understand why we all laugh at them when they call themselves the "teabagers"?
←Rate | 11-06-2009 11:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon says that when I asked my wife why she needed to buy so many shoes, she pointed out to me that Cinderella is living proof that shoes CAN change your life!..
←Rate | 11-06-2009 08:56 by mikedft Comments (0)  

   messageicon 5lb cell phone, 10lb gold chain & 120lb boom wonder 80's kids now have back problems.
←Rate | 11-06-2009 08:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon to advertise in this space please call 0800 334 443
←Rate | 11-06-2009 08:08 by Kal-El Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was shopping with my little niece. She asked if we could go to McDonalds. I joked "If you can spell it,we will go there." She then replied "Nevermind. Let's go to KFC instead."
←Rate | 11-06-2009 07:41 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm like a rubix cube the more you play with me the harder I get!!
←Rate | 11-06-2009 04:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon now currently accepting resumes for a Full and/or Part time girlfriend. All applicants may apply within. You will be contacted with a call back if you meet the appropriate requirements. Thank you
←Rate | 11-06-2009 04:02 by Jesse Michek Comments (0)  

   messageicon Exercise programme: Take one Weetabix. Take an Aero chocolate bar.Crumble the Aero over the Weetabix. Voila. Aerobix.
←Rate | 11-06-2009 02:19 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon ate Humpty Dumpty for breakfast and ain't nothing that the King's men can do about it!
←Rate | 11-06-2009 00:50 by Tee Comments (0)  

   messageicon excited when her friend asked her to come and see saw, then dismayed when we drove straight past the playground and arrived at the cinema...
←Rate | 11-06-2009 00:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon May Army Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan ROT IN HELL!!! What is wrong with this world...It is a sad, sad day for Ft. Hood , TX ... thoughts and prayers go out to all the innocent people that lives were lost and forever changed by the events of someone they trusted
←Rate | 11-05-2009 21:34 by kristi Comments (0)  

   messageicon just realized there's a website that you can search for all the sex offenders that live within 25 miles of your zip code, check it out!!
←Rate | 11-05-2009 20:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
←Rate | 11-05-2009 19:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon was in Wal-mart today. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 19:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just want to point out to you all that Cinderella is living proof that shoes CAN change your life!..just saying...
←Rate | 11-05-2009 19:25 by kristi Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kobe Bryant played last night for the Lakers against despite flu like symptoms. Apparently neither team was worried about H1N1 - it's Kobe, he never passes anything.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 19:08 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon planning his life #1 get married #2 get a house #3 have a baby #4 Sell baby for dream car #5 have another baby
←Rate | 11-05-2009 18:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..just watched a DVD that was 3.142 stars out of 5. It was a pi rated movie.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 18:26 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Last week,i did a bit of stand up at an old folks home. Tough crowd. They wouldn't answer my Knock-Knock jokes until I showed some I.D.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 18:02 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon just realized after a session of je...ummm...I mean after cleaning and then wiping the sweat off while catching my breath, that one forearm is quite bigger than the other one. I wonder if that is hereditary.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 17:52 Comments (0)  

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