Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5650 of 5826

   messageicon It's 2018 so that means the millennium is legal.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 05:49 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon In California, ever day is now 420
←Rate | 01-04-2018 06:25 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Gym was so crowded today I had to skip my workout. Fortunately, the line at KFC was shorter than usual. Already in Love with New Year's resolution
←Rate | 01-04-2018 06:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Man Came home,saw his wife with his friend in Bed,he shoots his friend, Wife Says, "If you behave like this ,you will lose all your friends."
←Rate | 01-04-2018 06:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In the past few days my Doritos stock started to skyrocket. Thank you California.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 07:08 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to a bicycle.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 07:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You never hear songs about wishing they could all be Texas girls.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 12:24 Comments (0)  

←Rate | 01-04-2018 23:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint
←Rate | 01-05-2018 00:12 by Luka Comments (0)  

   messageicon Friends are a lot like trees they fall down when hit multiple times with an axe
←Rate | 01-05-2018 00:13 by Luka Comments (0)  

   messageicon So according to CNN and Sky News, 2017 was the 2nd wettest year on record. Personally I blame "Fifty Shades of Grey"
←Rate | 01-05-2018 03:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
←Rate | 01-05-2018 07:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Use the forceps, Luke!" -Obi Gyn Kenobi
←Rate | 01-05-2018 08:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lindsay Lohan bitten by snake while on vacation in Thailand. After hours of rolling around in unspeakable agony the snake finally died.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 08:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless? 2nd place in a presidential election.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 15:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's sad when the best looking girl from Texas happens to be Sandy Cheeks from Spongebob Squarepants.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 15:10 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Never laugh at your wife's choices. You are one of them.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 17:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s Thursday… or as I like to call it, “Day 4 of the hostage situation.”
←Rate | 01-05-2018 19:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon FOX & Friends? Who in their right mind would want to be friends with FOX? It's a lie, FOX has no friends.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 19:58 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Two F-words rednecks can't stand: Fire & Fury.
←Rate | 01-05-2018 20:02 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left