Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   How do I set my Lazer Printer to Stun?

   Mow let me get this straight ------------~ Damn!! So close!!!

   I "HOPE" we can "CHANGE" it back!

   The 33 miners trapped deep underground have apparently been given the bad news that it will take 3 months to dig them out of deep hole... I wish our government would tell us when we could expect being dug out of "Our Hole"

   doesn't understand the phrase 'less than a few minutes.' I mean, we don't even know how long 'a few minutes' is, so how the hell would we know what's less than that?

   Telling the cop that you thought the voice in your GPS counted as a designated driver doesn't help your case.

   I like to walk around my house naked... Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside.

   Sweat Pants: Strong enough for exercising, but made for a guy to lounge on the couch and relax in.

   if you're good at something you just gotta put on your jogging shoes and run with it!!!

   A baseball fan is someone who likes a seriously girly and pathetic sport.

   home alone and just herd a noise, he is now in ninja mode...

   thinking.. Don't you hate it when you are having a great memory about a fantastic adventure you had as a kid and then you realise it was actually an episode of "Leave it to Beaver " ??

   A baseball fan is a spectator sitting 500 feet from home plate who can see better than an umpire standing five feet away

   Don't be a BEN brother, should have been, would have been, could have been, or might have been

   only popular on the internet

   playing marco polo with random people

   doesn't want anything serious.. just a cuddle that'll lead to bigger, harder and better things :)

   Thanks Jason Derulo.. Without you, I would never know how to spell S.O.L.O

   Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?

   I see myself as a huge fiery comet, a shooting star. Everyone stops, points up and says, "Oh look at that!" Then whoosh, and I'm gone... and they'll never see anything like it ever again... and they won't be able to forget me - ever.