Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon just found out the difference between kinky and erotic..erotic was the use of the feather..kinky was the whole damn chicken
←Rate | 07-30-2009 14:28 by paul barnes Comments (0)  

   messageicon slept with his girlfriend's younger sister. She found out and said, "You disgust me." I said, "We never discussed you at all.
←Rate | 07-30-2009 06:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
←Rate | 07-30-2009 00:18 by David B Comments (0)  

   messageicon grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.
←Rate | 07-30-2009 00:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
←Rate | 07-30-2009 00:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
←Rate | 07-30-2009 00:15 by David B Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering WHY does Barnes & Noble have all their books on back pain on the bottom shelf? WTF?!
←Rate | 07-29-2009 18:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon using your wifi
←Rate | 07-29-2009 18:14 by Katie Comments (0)  

   messageicon staring at a Orange Juice box coz it says concentrate
←Rate | 07-29-2009 18:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to cough.
←Rate | 07-29-2009 16:21 by DP Comments (0)  

   messageicon I told his wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked him in the cellar
←Rate | 07-29-2009 15:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon think that if there wasnt a last minute she wouldnt get anything done
←Rate | 07-29-2009 14:41 by andrea Comments (0)  

   messageicon says learning Linux isn't just easy, it's fun, too! Actual shell commands: "unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; umount; sleep"... ahhh the subtle beauty of UNIX.
←Rate | 07-28-2009 16:54 by OneCoolPenguin Comments (0)  

   messageicon arm wrestling the KOOL-AID guy...he's strong! He must be drinking MILK!
←Rate | 07-28-2009 15:18 by Tommy Coziar Comments (0)  

   messageicon things could be worse ya know....Sex COULD be fattening!
←Rate | 07-28-2009 06:03 by Tim* Comments (0)  

   messageicon .....Squirrels: Nature's Little Speed Bumps!
←Rate | 07-28-2009 06:02 by Tim* Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering what would happen if he wrote, "For Marijuana" in the memo field of all his checks? ...
←Rate | 07-28-2009 06:01 by Tim* Comments (0)  

   messageicon if NFL doesn't want Michael Vick local animal shelter is looking for a pooper scooper!
←Rate | 07-27-2009 20:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you die in a the UP button!
←Rate | 07-27-2009 19:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders if a guy stands up in church to disagree with the he called a mass debator?
←Rate | 07-27-2009 16:27 Comments (0)  

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