Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon humans......the only creatures who would actually invent a bunch of machines that throw you around, call it an amusement park, and we actually wait in long lines and PAY to do it!
←Rate | 02-01-2010 09:37 by Tal Comments (0)  

   messageicon You will never get sleep with a redhead because they are soulless gingers and will steal you away when you sleep
←Rate | 02-01-2010 04:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What I learned from the Grammys: Lady Gaga SILL terrifies me, Beyonce apparently has seizures while performing, Taylor Swift has some VERY adult teeth in her teen-aged mouth, & Lil Wayne was lookin like a fool with his pants on the ground!
←Rate | 02-01-2010 03:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon so poor that he cant even pay attention
←Rate | 02-01-2010 00:45 by Shashir Comments (0)  

   messageicon If anyone needs me I'll be setting up a sniper pearch in Punxsutawney, Pa. This year that fat little groundhog will not make it back to the hole.
←Rate | 01-31-2010 23:39 by The FRED Comments (0)  

   messageicon A nwe sutdy porves htat hte hmuan barin cna tarsnlate an in-cmopleet snetence or a fargmnet of a wrod by piecnig eahc slyalbel of hte fargmnet toegtehr -tahnks
←Rate | 01-31-2010 23:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders if I'm the only person that doesn't want to be on the Price is Right because I don't want to be seen running like a baboon down the aisles?
←Rate | 01-31-2010 23:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon bored, so is considering dressing as the grim reaper and tapping on the windows of the local retirement home and waving to the residents for entertainment
←Rate | 01-31-2010 22:20 by bianca Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thank god I don't have 3D glasses Celine Dion's nose is scary enough without them!
←Rate | 01-31-2010 22:08 by nitsua Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wants Febreeze to make a bacon scent and then I'll be on board... Mmmmm bacon house.
←Rate | 01-31-2010 19:38 Comments (1)  

   messageicon It's not the minutes that we spend sitting at the table that puts on weight. It's the seconds.
←Rate | 01-31-2010 16:44 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Says Anything you Can Do... I Can Do It Better!!!
←Rate | 01-31-2010 15:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon life is about kicking a$$ not kissing it!!!!!
←Rate | 01-31-2010 15:52 by donna knight Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think I'm ready for a man in my life again. I cleaned out one the kitchen, two inches of hanger the hall closet and enough room for one pair of shoes...on the porch.
←Rate | 01-31-2010 15:52 by Hot Tea Comments (0)  

   messageicon im not conceited,im just simply aware if how sexy I am!!
←Rate | 01-31-2010 15:48 by donna knight Comments (0)  

   messageicon if love is blind,how does it happen at 1st sight???
←Rate | 01-31-2010 15:43 by donna knight Comments (0)  

   messageicon helping people find Jesus, one funeral at a time...
←Rate | 01-31-2010 15:40 by Darkside Comments (0)  

   messageicon you can sleep with a blonde,you can sleep with a brunette, but you won't get any sleep with a redhead. ;)
←Rate | 01-31-2010 15:25 by Red Head Gal Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gray hair is God's Graffiti.... Then the Big Guy's been scribbling all over my melon like a newbie gang initiate.
←Rate | 01-31-2010 15:18 by Mr Craig Comments (0)  

   messageicon 's dad's bumper sticker says: I'm spending my kids inheritance...on her bail.
←Rate | 01-31-2010 14:59 Comments (0)  

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