Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon wants a "people you may find attractive and would hook up with" section on facebook. it'd make things so much easier.
←Rate | 01-02-2010 13:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon now has the plans for his deck and about to go get the lumber! Does anyone know where I can pick up some illegal aliens to come build it?
←Rate | 01-02-2010 13:22 by Tal Comments (0)  

   messageicon says, I love work. I can sit and watch it all day.
←Rate | 01-02-2010 13:03 by mullerman Comments (0)  

   messageicon ...thinks the "vamps" in Twilight and New Moon look like a cross between The Cure & NSYNC..ooohh..such shiny white fangs too!
←Rate | 01-02-2010 12:52 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon when everything's coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.
←Rate | 01-02-2010 12:24 by bbell Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..if people say they're "as honest as the day is long" does that mean they become less truthful in the winter?
←Rate | 01-02-2010 12:18 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon can no longer play Scrabble. Turns out he has Irritable Vowel Syndrome...
←Rate | 01-02-2010 11:47 by Jay Comments (0)  

   messageicon found an alien, gave it some roofies, now I'm gonna probe it then stick back where I found it! Maybe it'll tell stories of being abducted!
←Rate | 01-02-2010 10:02 by Talsier Comments (0)  

   messageicon told by someone that swimming will get you in shape ......IF THAT IS THE CASE SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME WHY WHALES ARE SO effin FAT !?!?
←Rate | 01-02-2010 04:44 by bigboyindiego Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can't get over the irony that they actually serve milk at "Hooters"
←Rate | 01-02-2010 01:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon gonna miss those cool New Years glasses where the two middle frames are the "O's"
←Rate | 01-02-2010 00:44 by @CGRIN2049 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Pocahontas" + "Iron Man" + "Surrogates" + "The Last Samurai" = Avatar
←Rate | 01-02-2010 00:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is my flashlight always a case for holding dead batteries....
←Rate | 01-01-2010 23:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In Soviet Russia, status updates YOU!
←Rate | 01-01-2010 23:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 1st day of 2010 and am thinking to my self 365 days of drinking to go, my liver is giving me a finger
←Rate | 01-01-2010 18:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wants to know who threw up in my sink last night? reveal yourself!
←Rate | 01-01-2010 17:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy New Year! Here's wishing my dyselxia better gets in 1020.
←Rate | 01-01-2010 16:41 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks it's quite possible that I will be as unproductive today as I was yesterday.
←Rate | 01-01-2010 14:49 by hms Comments (0)  

   messageicon The confetti in times square, I bet that came from Edward Cullen farting.
←Rate | 01-01-2010 12:20 by joe fool Comments (0)  

   messageicon ate Oriental flavored Ramen for lunch today, and it tasted nothing like an Asian
←Rate | 01-01-2010 12:08 by Fel Comments (0)  

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