Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 00:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My only form of communication today is shaking my head.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 00:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 07:38 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Tom Steyer needs to be taken out and shot, resuscitated, and shot again.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 07:57 Comments (7)  

   messageicon If the people I come in contact with daily could read my mind I'd get punch in the face alot.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 23:58 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thank you to all the Veterans enjoy this day of honor.
←Rate | 11-11-2017 03:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I make jokes about being out of shape because it's soooo much easier than going to the gym.
←Rate | 11-11-2017 07:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yeah, so while you were perfecting your grammar in 12th grade English class, I was doing the teacher. I got the A.
←Rate | 11-11-2017 10:17 by BusterHyman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now Russia is accusing Russia of meddling in Russia's internal affairs, and is demanding Russia register as a foreign agent by Monday.
←Rate | 11-11-2017 11:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Message to NFL Players taking a knee....It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you.
←Rate | 11-11-2017 15:44 Comments (1)  

   messageicon "Why would I want to thank a Vet when he cut my balls off?" -The Dog
←Rate | 11-11-2017 18:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jaws 3-D (1983): shark with no connection or knowledge of either of the first 2 sharks avenges their deaths, wearing 3-D glasses.
←Rate | 11-12-2017 01:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m just here for the unsolicited parenting and relationship advice.
←Rate | 11-12-2017 01:31 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For the record, people don't get arrested and indicted on "no evidence" but continue on with your delusions.
←Rate | 11-12-2017 16:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A russian young lady of fassion had oodles and oodles of passion to her lovers she said as the climb into bed here's one thing those commies can't ration
←Rate | 11-12-2017 22:21 by Limerick Comments (1)  

   messageicon How is Monday the 13th not as scary as Friday the 13th?!
←Rate | 11-13-2017 01:56 by Cowden Comments (0)  

   messageicon A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
←Rate | 11-13-2017 01:58 by Cowden Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't know why I ever joined Facebook, I mean like seriously, this is the worst dating website ever!
←Rate | 11-13-2017 02:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love how sharks swim around with their fins out like they want high fives, but then they're like, Screw you! ...and they eat your face off.
←Rate | 11-13-2017 03:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mexican word of the day: Nacho, Hillary Clinton is Nacho President!
←Rate | 11-13-2017 04:37 Comments (0)  

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