Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon You know when you say "that thinga-ma-bob"? Does Bob say "that-thinga-ma-me" and when I'm talking to Bob should I say "that-things-ma-you"? In a proper setting is it "that-thinga-ma-Robert"? If 2 guys named Bob are together, do they say "that-thinga-ma-u
←Rate | 08-12-2009 20:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate when I get Drunk and Bid on Ebay.
←Rate | 08-12-2009 20:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I sometimes go to my own little world, but that's ok cause they know me there.
←Rate | 08-12-2009 19:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon somewhere between raising Hell and amazing grace.
←Rate | 08-12-2009 16:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
←Rate | 08-12-2009 12:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
←Rate | 08-12-2009 12:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
←Rate | 08-12-2009 12:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Figured I'm pretty smart--it took me all summer, but.. I found all the paw-prints, put them in my notebook, sat down in my thinking chair...& ... I just figured out Blue's Clues & what it's all about!
←Rate | 08-12-2009 10:52 by Kevin-Dallas Comments (0)  

   messageicon we had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
←Rate | 08-12-2009 10:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Vegetarian is an old Indian word meaning "bad hunter."
←Rate | 08-12-2009 08:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wishing that the gnomes would return my stuff!
←Rate | 08-12-2009 04:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks: The greatest pleasure in life is "not" doing what people say you can do.I call it the middle finger logic.
←Rate | 08-12-2009 04:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon two people away from a threesome
←Rate | 08-12-2009 01:54 by h Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
←Rate | 08-12-2009 00:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon an organ donor. Need anything?
←Rate | 08-11-2009 22:17 by Peebs Comments (0)  

   messageicon exaggerations went up a million percent last year
←Rate | 08-11-2009 19:13 by paige Comments (0)  

   messageicon Look at the evil people in the world, Saddam Hussein, Hitler, Stalin what do they all have in common? Mustaches
←Rate | 08-11-2009 13:44 by Joe Comments (0)  

   messageicon will even let you hold the remote control
←Rate | 08-11-2009 13:00 by Ryan Seagren Comments (0)  

   messageicon curiosity overpowers knowledge.. Now I have a midget transvestite prostitue knocking on my door
←Rate | 08-11-2009 08:53 by Yaj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else......
←Rate | 08-11-2009 04:18 Comments (0)  

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