Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon wondering why there is a cork screw on a Swiss Army Knife. I can't remember the last time I encountered a wild bottle of Chianti in the wild..
←Rate | 03-11-2010 09:28 by MarkAElliott Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in awhile,nine out of ten people would have nothing to talk about.
←Rate | 03-11-2010 08:13 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon has been wondering... if you force sex on a hooker is it rape or shoplifting??
←Rate | 03-11-2010 07:52 by johnny5 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Hopefully Paris Hilton never becomes a vampire. Sure she loves the nightlife, but she'll go nuts not being able to see her refection every 10 minutes.
←Rate | 03-11-2010 07:33 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon doing an environmental studies course and needs ideas on how to save trees. Answers on a postcard please.
←Rate | 03-11-2010 06:55 by SuffolkSteve Comments (0)  

   messageicon The spark of a genius exists in the brain of the truly creative man from the hour of his birth. True genius is always inborn and never cultivated, let alone learned
←Rate | 03-11-2010 03:40 by Adolf Comments (1)  

   messageicon has had enough depressing news about death (i.e. Cory Haim). How about some good news? Like congratulating Ted Kennedy! He's 198 days sober today!
←Rate | 03-11-2010 02:27 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
←Rate | 03-11-2010 01:30 by Mduduzi Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Ok, so we're both illiterate. I can't spell love and you can't read it."
←Rate | 03-11-2010 01:28 by J.S. Comments (0)  

   messageicon Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says~~ "Oh Crap, She's up!"
←Rate | 03-11-2010 00:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon they always say there are more fish in the sea, they seem to forget about the crabs
←Rate | 03-10-2010 22:13 by trini Comments (0)  

   messageicon a really skilled person can flick a booger on the first try
←Rate | 03-10-2010 22:08 by trini Comments (0)  

   messageicon S.H.I.T.: So Happy It's Thursday.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 22:04 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Protip: when wearing a waterbra, DO NOT lift a heavy box of sheet metal. You'll either end up with a hefty lefty or a mighty righty, not to mention a gigantic wet spot.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 21:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Eating all of the marshmellows out of someones Lucky Charms is the highest form of disrespect.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 19:52 by Mike R. Comments (0)  

   messageicon would be more willing to accept people for who they are if they were more like how I wanted them to be.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 18:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon I always wanted to be somebody. Now I realize that I should have been more specific.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 18:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon My career plans were much more exciting when I was five.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 18:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesn't have a girlfriend, but he does know a woman who'd be mad at him for saying that.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 18:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  

   messageicon wondering if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?
←Rate | 03-10-2010 18:42 Comments (0)  

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