Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 15:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 15:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 15:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
←Rate | 01-07-2010 15:39 by cj Comments (0)  

   messageicon It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 15:39 by cj Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 15:38 by cj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
←Rate | 01-07-2010 15:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 15:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon happy to learn what bra color all my female friends are wearing today!
←Rate | 01-07-2010 15:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon was almost killed today when he fell off a horse. Thank goodness the Wal-Mart employee saw me, came over and unplugged the thing!
←Rate | 01-07-2010 14:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon loves it when a parent only has pictures of their kids as profile pictures and none of themselves. You can never be too careful these days.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 14:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon accepted the People's Choice award for best portrayal of a status update
←Rate | 01-07-2010 14:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone came up to me and said "T.G.I.F. Thank god its Friday!" I replied "S.H.I.T. Sorry hun,it's Thursday."
←Rate | 01-07-2010 12:24 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon It is times like this that make me laugh at people from the south. Hurricanes and tornados, people still go to work, but let a white flake fall out of the sky, and oh Sh*t!!!!
←Rate | 01-07-2010 12:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 11:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just started my new job as an Historian this morning. I've got a big day behind me.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 11:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon says roses are red, violets are blue, you're my facebook friend, but I don't like you.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 11:04 by programmerguy1234 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Would like to fist pump "The Situation" right in face!!
←Rate | 01-07-2010 11:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering why Band*Aid doesnt make ethnically colored bandages
←Rate | 01-07-2010 10:57 by Yaj Comments (0)  

   messageicon should have been a Solid Gold dancer
←Rate | 01-07-2010 10:22 Comments (0)  

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