Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5645 of 5799

   messageicon Don't get your hopes up. Santa has about as much of a chance of bringing "Hope and Change" as a clown does.
←Rate | 12-21-2009 10:35 by SCURRY Comments (0)  

   messageicon would like to see things your way, but unfortunately can't stick my head that far up my arse
←Rate | 12-21-2009 10:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dont steal, the government doesnt like competition
←Rate | 12-21-2009 09:38 by chronic iam Comments (0)  

   messageicon Drugs have taught an entire generation of canadian kids the metric system!
←Rate | 12-21-2009 09:37 by chronic iam Comments (0)  

   messageicon Christmas is the time of year when we want our pasts forgotten and our presents remembered!
←Rate | 12-21-2009 09:19 by olemissman79 Comments (0)  

   messageicon heard that Elin is filing for divorce. In the filing, the reason listed was "irreconcilable waitresses".
←Rate | 12-21-2009 08:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bummer about Yahoo losing market share. You can read more about it at Google News.
←Rate | 12-21-2009 08:37 by marymc Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone know about how much Santa weighs ... I am currently setting a trap and need some info.
←Rate | 12-21-2009 03:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon - Jesus saves. Moses gets the puck. He shoots! HE SCORES!!!!
←Rate | 12-21-2009 00:56 by Jay Comments (0)  

   messageicon Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
←Rate | 12-21-2009 00:46 Comments (1)  

   messageicon and Alcohol ended their relationship.
←Rate | 12-20-2009 22:17 by Nick Burdall Comments (0)  

   messageicon It only takes me ONE beer to get drunk: Not sure if it's the 8th or 9th one tho.
←Rate | 12-20-2009 21:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon says Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back!
←Rate | 12-20-2009 19:54 by ANGELA Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why does a good Christian fear death and why do we mourn the dead, if they are going to a much better place?
←Rate | 12-20-2009 18:34 by potts Comments (0)  

   messageicon After all these years It finally hit me why Prison/Jail is called "The Pokey"
←Rate | 12-20-2009 17:41 by ds Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Little Women" author Louisa May Alcott was diagnosed with Lupus 119 years after her death. And you thought your HMO was slow.
←Rate | 12-20-2009 16:49 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon pondering the the thought... They say Character is what you do when youre alone! I thought that was called masterba......nevermind!!!
←Rate | 12-20-2009 11:45 by Joseph Comments (0)  

   messageicon ......Winter is nature's way of saying, "Up yours."
←Rate | 12-20-2009 11:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Sally, selling seashells on the seashore is bad salesmanship. You can just pick them up off the ground behind you.
←Rate | 12-20-2009 11:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon bases off how many people like his status to his happiness on facebook.
←Rate | 12-20-2009 11:02 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left