Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5645 of 5854

   messageicon Broom for sale...needs new motor from overuse. Switching to magic carpet...more comfortable.
←Rate | 01-28-2010 19:05 by taleah Comments (0)  

   messageicon going to let you be the judge...and I'm the case
←Rate | 01-28-2010 18:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 70% of my life is composed of Work and 40% learning proper mathematics.
←Rate | 01-28-2010 17:47 by Kitty ♥ Comments (0)  

   messageicon pink eye... I knew it was a bad idea to wear ur undies on my head
←Rate | 01-28-2010 17:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon even though it's so wrong, no one else can do you so right
←Rate | 01-28-2010 14:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon you can't expect dumb people to do smart things
←Rate | 01-28-2010 14:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon n't air travel wonderful? Breakfast in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Brazil..
←Rate | 01-28-2010 14:15 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon ipad? now that apple is making femine products, i'm holding out for the ipon...
←Rate | 01-28-2010 13:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If dinosaurs no longer exist... then why the hell is barney still alive?"
←Rate | 01-28-2010 13:39 by Tiegan Comments (0)  

   messageicon Parenting Tip of the Day: DON'T HIT KIDS!!! No...Seriously....They have guns now!
←Rate | 01-28-2010 13:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got an e-mail from a woman that read, "I need you to come plow my field.... squeeze my melons.... touch my yams...and play with my peach!" I was getting ALL excited until I realized it was just an invitation to play Farmville...WTF!
←Rate | 01-28-2010 13:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon committed to TWAT. (The War Against Terrorism)
←Rate | 01-28-2010 13:31 by jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Stay warm people. It's supposed to be "R. KELLY" cold out there this weekend. And by that I mean "IN THE TEENS."
←Rate | 01-28-2010 13:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Misspellings suck. Sent an e-mail to my mom telling her I was bbq'ing and gonna have fun this weekend with my "cook" out. I misspelled "cook"...And...Well...Now my mom thinks I'm a perv too.
←Rate | 01-28-2010 13:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You'd think after the 37th take, the director would have realized I was messing up the love scene on purpose. Hey, times are hard. I'll take it where I can get it these days.
←Rate | 01-28-2010 13:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When giving that special person a gift you said cost $3,000 from Tiffanys, it's probably a good idea to take off the price tag that says $3.50 from Walmart.
←Rate | 01-28-2010 13:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon used to be a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sun light
←Rate | 01-28-2010 13:22 by Plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tip 4 Ladies: Please stop asking us questions like, "Do these jeans make me look fat?" Because the answer will be NO. It's NOT the jeans making you look fat. It's all the meat UNDER the jeans that's making you look fat
←Rate | 01-28-2010 13:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon watching Bear Grylls to get new ideas for my grocery list.
←Rate | 01-28-2010 13:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I must be the only person that didn't like Avatar. I fell asleep an hour into it. I mean seriously, if I wanted to see a love story I would have rented "The Notebook" then promptly shot myself in the face.
←Rate | 01-28-2010 13:18 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left