Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5645 of 6369
People are more opposed to fur than leather because it's easier to harass old ladies and supermodels than argue with motorcycle gangs.
The world writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, it's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
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08-29-2010 07:48 by MBH
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I don't think I could ever stab someone. I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun.
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08-29-2010 06:08 by MBH
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Be careful where you walk. You don't want to get cut on any broken dreams.
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08-29-2010 06:05 by MBH
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Old: Never take candy from strangers. New: Never click links from strangers.
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08-29-2010 06:03 by MBH
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Interviewer asked Tiger Woods what happened in the tournament. "I'm having a hard time controlling my balls." You think?
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08-29-2010 05:56 by MBH
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In honor of Michael Jackson's birthday, their family requests that all child actors wear their pants at "half-staff" today.
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08-29-2010 05:20
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What is up with this Guiltless CheeseCake... How do we now what the CheeseCake is thinking?
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08-28-2010 23:40
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Fruit Cake is YUCK! But don't tell my grandma that!
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08-28-2010 23:19
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just stopped at Radio Shack to get something and the kid behind the counter asked me for my phone number and zip code. I told him 867-5309 and zip 90210. He never even questioned it.
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08-28-2010 22:37
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That O-line gives up more sacks than Jenna Jameson takes in the chin.
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08-28-2010 22:21
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My wife was mad because I wouldn't ask for directions even though we were lost. So she makes me pull over and she says to a guy "Please tell my husband where we are.And say it slow so even he'll understand." Then the guy says " BURRR GERRR KIIIING!"
Theres too much blood in my caffeine system!!
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08-28-2010 20:47 by I.J
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My kid won't listen and my wife won't shut up! Bye bye Sanity. It was nice knowing you.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
One of the best parts about Saturday and Sunday mornings is reading the Status Updates people post after a night of drinking.
Music has charms to soothe the savage breast ...... it can lift you higher then the sky , make you sad or even cry but what it does is it can make life worth living.....
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08-28-2010 18:59
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addicted to facebook! Ok, I admit I've got a problem. So here's what I'm going to do abou.. ah, new message...
Paris Hilton arrested for Cocaine possession.In other shocking news - Earth is still round, & the sky is still blue.
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08-28-2010 16:18
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