Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The perfect work excuse: "Hello? Boss? Yes, I'm sorry, I will not be coming to work today. I'm having vision problems. I can't see myself coming to work today!"
←Rate | 03-23-2010 21:55 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why dont you slip into something more comfortable... Like a coma!
←Rate | 03-23-2010 21:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ryan Seacrests comment after kissing Ellen on the lips: "Taste like fish"
←Rate | 03-23-2010 21:05 by kods Comments (2)  

   messageicon Be rude to a bully and he'll beat you up, be rude to a geek and your computer will never forgive you.
←Rate | 03-23-2010 20:15 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
←Rate | 03-23-2010 20:11 by Seddy90 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alert! User Error. Please replace user and press any key to continue.
←Rate | 03-23-2010 20:07 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon COME TO THE DORK SIDE...We Have Computers And High-Speed Internet With A Pentium 4 Processor ^_^
←Rate | 03-23-2010 20:06 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cool people are just idiots wearing pricy clothes
←Rate | 03-23-2010 20:05 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon rejects your reality and substitute my own.
←Rate | 03-23-2010 20:05 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hand over the calculator, friends don't let friends derive drunk.
←Rate | 03-23-2010 20:04 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon How do I set a laser printer to stun?
←Rate | 03-23-2010 20:03 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon A thousand words are worth a picture, and they load a heck of a lot faster.
←Rate | 03-23-2010 20:02 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon I need a Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those?
←Rate | 03-23-2010 19:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
←Rate | 03-23-2010 19:57 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon Passwords are like underwear. You shouldn't leave them out where people can see them. You should change them regularly. And you shouldn't loan them out to strangers.
←Rate | 03-23-2010 19:57 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code
←Rate | 03-23-2010 19:55 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon 1f you c4n r34d th1s you r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
←Rate | 03-23-2010 19:54 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a Blind dude & his dog go for a joyride, who dirves?
←Rate | 03-23-2010 19:51 by The FRED Comments (0)  

   messageicon became a fan of not becoming a fan of everything on facebook.
←Rate | 03-23-2010 19:23 by The FRED Comments (0)  

   messageicon Shot my first turkey yesterday. . scared the $hit out of everyone in the frozen food section... It was awsome!!!
←Rate | 03-23-2010 18:56 by chronic iam Comments (0)  

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