Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon says they're giving up to $1000 for a human guinea pig at the University science dept!....(twitch)..I did it last time and I'm just fine......(twitch)
←Rate | 01-08-2010 18:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ATTENTION: The National Weather service in Texas has issued a HOLLY SH1T ITS FRICKING COLD ADVISORY. Be prepared, use the "budy system" when staying warm tonight!
←Rate | 01-08-2010 16:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy 75th Birthday,Elvis!
←Rate | 01-08-2010 15:25 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Instead of telling everybody what color is your damn bra, put 2 bucks in the freaking can at the shopping center if you really want to help people with breast cancer, for Christ's sake!! Stop talking on facebook and give money!
←Rate | 01-08-2010 15:21 Comments (2)  

   messageicon was playing "FARMVILLE" when immigration showed up and took all my workers ! ! !
←Rate | 01-08-2010 15:13 by lard Comments (0)  

   messageicon n honor of vasectomy awareness, for the rest of the day, all men should post the color of their undergarments on their FB status. I'll start. Paisley
←Rate | 01-08-2010 14:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon URGENT! FACEBOOK VIRUS ALERT! An email recently went out to women asking them to post the color of their bra. THIS IS A VIRUS. To fix it, you must remove your bra, then go to Setting>Enable Webcam> Record Movie. Please repost it to your status!!!
←Rate | 01-08-2010 13:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ok the sneakers are on, the treadmill is unfolded but I am having a hard time to put the the two togeather!!!!
←Rate | 01-08-2010 12:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Patience is the ability to let your light shine after your fuse has blown
←Rate | 01-08-2010 11:36 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick-skinned, short-sighted and always ready to charge.
←Rate | 01-08-2010 11:30 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think I need to start doing pullups to get more of the ladies attention. Pull up in a Benz, Pull up in a Vette, Pull up in a Beamer....
←Rate | 01-08-2010 10:26 by Vito Comments (0)  

   messageicon could care less about the color, as long as it is on my floor with the rest of your clothes.
←Rate | 01-08-2010 09:57 by Jason Ellis Comments (0)  

   messageicon ladies... dont forget about cervical cancer awareness day today.
←Rate | 01-08-2010 08:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pump Up The Volume ιllιιllιlιllιιllιlιllιιllιlιllιιllιlιllιιllιlι
←Rate | 01-08-2010 08:03 by ThunderCunt Comments (0)  

   messageicon just because I flirt it doesn't mean I'm interested, it just means I'm awake
←Rate | 01-08-2010 07:46 by gguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon very shy. please flirt aggressively
←Rate | 01-08-2010 07:44 by gguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon at home taking care of mum after her accident..she fell in front of a man and ended up with a big bump. A bit like how I was conceived,really ..
←Rate | 01-08-2010 04:20 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex.
←Rate | 01-08-2010 02:30 by Rain Comments (0)  

   messageicon Help! My Chia Pet is sick and I'm not sure if I should bring it to the Vet or the Florist?
←Rate | 01-07-2010 23:40 by Vito Comments (0)  

   messageicon For tomorrows bra forecast, its looking mostly black with a splash of peach moving in for the afternoon. Tomorrow night, it's all leopard skin, with lows in the matching thong.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 23:28 by Jeffrey Comments (0)  

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