Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 5643 of 6367

   messageicon I don't think I could ever stab someone. I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 06:08 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be careful where you walk. You don't want to get cut on any broken dreams.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 06:05 by MBH Comments (3)  


   messageicon Old: Never take candy from strangers. New: Never click links from strangers.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 06:03 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Interviewer asked Tiger Woods what happened in the tournament. "I'm having a hard time controlling my balls." You think?
←Rate | 08-29-2010 05:56 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon In honor of Michael Jackson's birthday, their family requests that all child actors wear their pants at "half-staff" today.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 05:20 Comments (1)  


   messageicon What is up with this Guiltless CheeseCake... How do we now what the CheeseCake is thinking?
←Rate | 08-28-2010 23:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fruit Cake is YUCK! But don't tell my grandma that!
←Rate | 08-28-2010 23:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just stopped at Radio Shack to get something and the kid behind the counter asked me for my phone number and zip code. I told him 867-5309 and zip 90210. He never even questioned it.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 22:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That O-line gives up more sacks than Jenna Jameson takes in the chin.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 22:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife was mad because I wouldn't ask for directions even though we were lost. So she makes me pull over and she says to a guy "Please tell my husband where we are.And say it slow so even he'll understand." Then the guy says " BURRR GERRR KIIIING!"
←Rate | 08-28-2010 20:55 by Jeremycakes Comments (0)  


   messageicon Theres too much blood in my caffeine system!!
←Rate | 08-28-2010 20:47 by I.J Comments (0)  


   messageicon My kid won't listen and my wife won't shut up! Bye bye Sanity. It was nice knowing you.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 20:47 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
←Rate | 08-28-2010 20:15 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 20:01 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the best parts about Saturday and Sunday mornings is reading the Status Updates people post after a night of drinking.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 19:51 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Music has charms to soothe the savage breast ...... it can lift you higher then the sky , make you sad or even cry but what it does is it can make life worth living.....
←Rate | 08-28-2010 18:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon addicted to facebook! Ok, I admit I've got a problem. So here's what I'm going to do abou.. ah, new message...
←Rate | 08-28-2010 17:57 by toddofwar420 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Paris Hilton arrested for Cocaine possession.In other shocking news - Earth is still round, & the sky is still blue.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 16:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bella: I know what you are. Edward: Say it Bella.Say it out loud. Bella: GAYYYYYYYY.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 15:02 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Some days I wake up Grumpy....other days I let her sleep in....
←Rate | 08-28-2010 14:49 Comments (1)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left