Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5643 of 5744

   messageicon Heaven's not a place that you go when you die, it's that moment in life when you actually feel alive.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 22:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life aint nothing but a hide and go seek with death!!
←Rate | 11-10-2009 21:23 by Supanova Comments (0)  

   messageicon used to be legit. He was too legit. He was too legit to quit... but now he's not legit. He's unlegit. And for that reason, he must quit.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 20:08 by olemissman79 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Forget a "dislike" button , id rather have a "This makes me want to punch you in the freakin throat" button
←Rate | 11-10-2009 18:43 by Vinny Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 18:37 by zee Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone caught singing Christmas carols between now and Thanksgiving will be slapped.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 17:51 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon _̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡
←Rate | 11-10-2009 17:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is it that Volvic Mineral Water, which has been filtered through volcanic rock for millions of years, has a Best Before date?
←Rate | 11-10-2009 16:29 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering who was the first to look at a cow and think;"ill just squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out of it!"
←Rate | 11-10-2009 15:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon had a handle on life, but it fell off with the wheel
←Rate | 11-10-2009 15:36 by Charleigh Comments (0)  

   messageicon can hit the snooze button, with eyes closed, while half asleep, in 1.7 seconds, the first try, every time
←Rate | 11-10-2009 15:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon in the jungle baby! and gunna dieee!
←Rate | 11-10-2009 15:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon can't help falling in love with you... maybe electroshock therapy will do the trick...
←Rate | 11-10-2009 15:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon loves that you are nonodys friend until facebook tell you that you are.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 13:58 by carebare Comments (0)  

   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Barack Obama knocked down by reversing car. The American people are asking the driver to come forward.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 12:55 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have two nipples, and I aint sharing either one of 'em.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 12:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A survey taken showed that 50% of people described sex as a "deep,meaningful,soul-bonding act of showing eternal love to your partner". The other 50% were men.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 12:45 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..really hates her boss. When I showed up 2 hours late,he shouted at me. I told him I had fallen down the stairs . He said "So? That doesn't take two hours!!"
←Rate | 11-10-2009 12:09 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon in Napa Valley looking for wine, but should be in the midwest, talking to Repubicans cause no one whines line a Repubilcan.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 11:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I didn't hit you....I simply high fived your face
←Rate | 11-10-2009 11:31 by Zig and Zag Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left