Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon thinks, sex is like any other performance, i.e a stage performance. So as that you dont blow it early on in the show, you must have a rehersal before HAND so as not to leave your audience (partner) disapointed.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 14:15 by ritchie_bonk Comments (0)  

   messageicon if everyone looked like their celebrity doppelganger and really matched their urbandictionary meaning, I could eat butterflies and poop rainbows.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 14:06 by Becky Comments (0)  

   messageicon some people come to Facebook just to air out their "dirty laundry", others just don't know how to clean it.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 14:02 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon I woke up this morning and turned on the tv. This tv evangelist was on and he said"you may not know this, but already you have SINNED." I said what could I have done? I just woke up.I'm not even out of bed. I turned and asked my sister and she didn't know
←Rate | 02-03-2010 13:59 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesn't have a drinking problem. He drinks. He gets drunk. He falls down. No problem...
←Rate | 02-03-2010 13:49 by samdave69 Comments (0)  

   messageicon using a lightsaber to chop vegitables.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 13:11 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon in the words of the chef on the muppet show - "Orshky Borshky Chicken!"
←Rate | 02-03-2010 13:10 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dont sh!t where you eat...A friendly reminder brought to you by The Stop Being A Dumb@ss Association.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 13:07 by Anthony26l Comments (0)  

   messageicon a lesbian trapped in a mans body.....
←Rate | 02-03-2010 13:02 by samdave69 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes God turns you upside down so you can learn to live rightside up.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 13:00 by BTWykle Comments (0)  

   messageicon No unwilling people were harmed during the making of this status. Viewer discretion is advised
←Rate | 02-03-2010 12:51 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hard work never killed anybody, but it does keep you off Facebook.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 12:43 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon that a person who really loves you is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everoyone else still believes in the smile on your face
←Rate | 02-03-2010 12:32 by khaleed Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh*t..."
←Rate | 02-03-2010 12:31 by Octane Comments (0)  

   messageicon To think, it takes time. To think what to think takes even more time. To think what you just read takes less time.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 12:27 by Octane Comments (0)  

   messageicon Virginity is not a dignity.It's just a Lack of opportunity.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 12:25 by Octane Comments (0)  

   messageicon Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 12:22 by Octane Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
←Rate | 02-03-2010 12:19 by Octane Comments (0)  

   messageicon There is no such thing as "normal". There is only a lot of weird people doing the same weird things.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 12:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon behind every good man is a woman and behind her another man stairing at her butt
←Rate | 02-03-2010 12:13 Comments (0)  

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