Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The perfect work excuse: "Hello? Boss? Yes, I'm sorry, I will not be coming to work today. I'm having vision problems. I can't see myself coming to work today!"

   Why dont you slip into something more comfortable... Like a coma!

   Ryan Seacrests comment after kissing Ellen on the lips: "Taste like fish"

   Be rude to a bully and he'll beat you up, be rude to a geek and your computer will never forgive you.

   "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

   Alert! User Error. Please replace user and press any key to continue.

   COME TO THE DORK SIDE...We Have Computers And High-Speed Internet With A Pentium 4 Processor ^_^

   Cool people are just idiots wearing pricy clothes

   rejects your reality and substitute my own.

   Hand over the calculator, friends don't let friends derive drunk.

   How do I set a laser printer to stun?

   A thousand words are worth a picture, and they load a heck of a lot faster.

   I need a Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those?

   Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

   Passwords are like underwear. You shouldn't leave them out where people can see them. You should change them regularly. And you shouldn't loan them out to strangers.

   I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code

   1f you c4n r34d th1s you r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d

   When a Blind dude & his dog go for a joyride, who dirves?

   became a fan of not becoming a fan of everything on facebook.

   Shot my first turkey yesterday. . scared the $hit out of everyone in the frozen food section... It was awsome!!!