Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When your leg twitches while you sleep that is your skeleton trying to escape because you are vulnerable
←Rate | 10-30-2017 14:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I thought it was PMS, but apparently wild mood swings and mango cravings are just part of who she is
←Rate | 10-30-2017 15:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not sure how many trick-or-treaters we will get, so better buy 400x more than I expect.
←Rate | 10-30-2017 15:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Looking for meaningless likes and retweets? Post something about candy corn.
←Rate | 10-30-2017 15:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the zombies come, my plan is to hope they are all dyslexic and go after the Brians
←Rate | 10-30-2017 15:10 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I am visualizing a world of peace and harmony that has never known conflict. And I am visualizing us completely dominating that world.
←Rate | 10-30-2017 15:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I go to restaurants where the waiter takes your order, and then purposely walks by your table with plates of what you could have ordered.
←Rate | 10-30-2017 15:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If my wife ever comes back as a ghost, the message written on my bathroom mirror in blood will be PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN
←Rate | 10-30-2017 15:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At some point we will have to sit down and discuss Kenny Loggins
←Rate | 10-30-2017 15:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just saw a guy in the laundrymat throw in his NO FEAR white t-shirt with his colors. That guy is living the dream.
←Rate | 10-30-2017 15:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You will NEVER find the love of your life, if YOU ARE the love of your life.
←Rate | 10-30-2017 19:36 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I’m pretty sure the most dangerous mixed drink is alcohol and Facebook
←Rate | 10-30-2017 20:30 by Todd Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m not really sure how to get petitions started but I’m a child of the 80’s and want my reboot of The Wonder Years. Shot the same way the original was shot,
←Rate | 10-30-2017 22:57 by DocBrown Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear. After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.
←Rate | 10-31-2017 06:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not worried about the Zombie apocalypse that is coming. I'm worried about the Libtard apocalypse that is here now.
←Rate | 10-31-2017 08:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do Millennial kids just trick or treat online?
←Rate | 10-31-2017 13:56 by Barber Comments (0)  

   messageicon 200 North Koreans died in a tunnel collapse when testing their nukes. Looks like Kim Jong Un is on the US side of the war.
←Rate | 10-31-2017 15:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Halloween is over time to put up the Christmas decorations.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 00:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The NYC terror attack comes to you courtesy of the Democratic Party, Barry Obama and the judges he appointed, who've halted Pres. Trump from fulfilling his promise to secure our borders from Islamic terror.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 07:17 Comments (4)  

   messageicon My mother in law won "best decorated house" yesterday for Halloween?..she was only opening the curtains?
←Rate | 11-01-2017 08:25 by Trueman Comments (0)  

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