Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A freak can easily spot a freak even when proffesional business white collar attire

   Some people live life in the fast lane. I have decided that I live it in oncoming traffic at night with no lights on. Welcome to my world, buckle up.

   Little known fact of the day: The tooth-brush was invented in Eastern Kentucky. My guess is, if it was invented any where else, it would have be called a teeth-brush.

   girl, your pants are so tight, I could read your lips!

   brushing his tooth

   Ask the married guys is it worth the fn youve gotten for the fn your getting

   Senior Campbells Soup with.....NEW... larger type alphabet soup letters.

   ‎(_8(l) - D'oh!

   Today my friend told that when she was younger she used to be so obsessed with tooth fairy that she used to rip out even healthy teeth. @oh it must of hurt heaps?- I asked her To what she replyed. Donno ask my lil bro

   last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

   Catholic paramount rule: "If it feels good, it's bad."

   Imagine how good Bieber's loves songs are gonna be when he sees a vagina

   ghetto: when your GPS says roll up ur windows, lock the doors and DRIVE.

   He who hesitates is not only lost, but probably 12kms from the next motorway exit.

   I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95 plus shipping and handling.

   A 27-year-old was arrested after posting on Facebook he was engaged to a 14-year-old. His relationship status: “It's Illegal.”

   born at a very young age.

   sings "I want to be a hundredaire so freaking bad"

   When you don't have love, it is like there's a party going on and everybody was invited except for you ... and you just happen to walk by that house in the rain ...

   I Got Married For Better or For Worse................She couldn't do better and I couldn't do any worse