Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you think Hawaii's Emergency alert system is bad , you should see their birth certificate system. . .

   If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet ?

   Maybe they could add a little pop-up saying "Are you sure? This action cannot be undone" before sending an important message like NUCLEAR MISSILE ALERT YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE

   Mom raised me to believe saying "Shut up" was the worst thing you could say to someone, but I knew I could be so much more

   Back in my day we didn't have pods, we had Dry Powder, and we liked it.

   PLease don't talk to me about the weather. I recorded this season of The Weather Channel all week and haven't had time to watch it yet.

   No thanks. 5 hours of energy sounds way too upsetting.

   OK, it's official. Tide Pods don't taste anywhere near as good as they look. (Don't ask me how I know this...)

   Big moment here: I just finished building that gingerbread house for the holidays.

   Every office should have a Parliament mode, when you don't wanna work, start shouting and go home

   World population :7,618,921,693. ­.... Just in case someone starts feeling too important

   Common sense is so rare this days, it should almost be classified as a superpower

   Word of the day: Ididarod - Monica Lewinski's autobiography.

   Maybe, just maybe, if more teenagers got their mouths washed out with soap as a child by their parents, these idiots wouldn't be attempting a "Tide Pod Challenge" .....

   Are we really that bored and stupid as a country that the “Tide Pod Challenge “ is even a thing? Wtf

   I mix my Tide Pods with Red Bull so I get the benefit of clean energy.......

   There were no Tide pods back in my day....we just ate it by the scoop like maniacs

   Somewhere in Michigan an 8-year-old boy farted half a beat before that meteor set off an earthquake. It was the greatest moment of his life.

   When we first ment on a blind date my girlfriend wasn't that interested in me. Untill she saw me lick my eyebrows.

   I just wonder when they are going to post the videos of the new teen challenge "blow off your left leg challenge" or the new "decapitate yourself challenge"