Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5588 of 6371
If brains were money you'd have to take out a loan to buy a cup of coffee
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09-21-2010 01:36 by Allison
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if I felt anymore like crap, I'm sure I'd be sitting in a toilet getting ready to be flushed away.
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09-21-2010 01:18 by EmmiKat
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what do a shingle and a fat girl have in common?.......98% chance will be nailed by a mexican.
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09-21-2010 00:17
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Beware of those people who never post any statuses!...Come on now, we all know you're not JUST on fb to play the games, after all that's what a good ole game of solitaire is for.
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09-21-2010 00:14 by AT
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a wise monkey never monkeys with another monkeys monkey
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09-20-2010 22:54 by B-Tufts
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Everything I ever needed to know I learned by killing smart people and eating their brains.
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09-20-2010 22:33
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You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you.
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09-20-2010 22:31
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"I see!" says the blind man, as he pisses in the fan, "It all comes back to me now..."
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09-20-2010 22:26
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Fat Girls are good for two things. Heat in the winter and shade in the summer
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09-20-2010 22:25
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Mmm... caffeine pills. The midnight snack of champions
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09-20-2010 22:18
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If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me instead."
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09-20-2010 22:18
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There is nothing friendlier than a wet dog.
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09-20-2010 22:15
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When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
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09-20-2010 22:13
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sliced bread, best invention since icecream on a stick...
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09-20-2010 21:34
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If whiskey makes you frisky and gin makes you grin, what makes you pregnant? (Two highballs and a Squirt)
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09-20-2010 19:43 by Jeff
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Just some helpful advice.. If someone shows up at your job with a camera crew and says they are doing a documentary about your job... you're probably on an episode of Undercover Boss..
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09-20-2010 19:43 by timboss
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"Characters did not match verification code. Please try again." Of course it didn't. You gave me 3 squiggle things, a backwards P and an upside down 4.
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09-20-2010 19:42
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"Characters did not match verification code. Please try again." Of course it didn't. You gave me 3 squiggle things and an upside down 4.
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09-20-2010 19:36
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choo choo...Lindsay Lohan...WHAT A TRAIN WRECK!
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09-20-2010 19:10
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She is so slutty, her facebook wall has a glory hole!
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09-20-2010 18:38
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