Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   an expert on woman and knows all there is to know about them because he got the best one to marry him :)

   thinks she needs a better drummer...

   I find the upper arm bone humerus

   And just when I saw you ... I realized I had no more money left

   Please put this on your status if you know, or are related to, someone killed on the Death Star. People must understand that the Rebel Alliance is a band of murdering scum. The Empire wants only to bring peace to the galaxy but these rebels continue to ki

   If history repeats itself, I'm totally getting a dinosaur.

   It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.

   So many freaks... so few circuses.

   Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me.

   My 2011 New Years Resolution is to hangout with more than 2 of my facebook friends.

   I listened patiently for you to make a noise but you never did. Reluctantly I had to admit you were right, it was a bottomless pit.

   I keep pictures of all of you in my wallet.

   I wonder if my mailman even recognized me with my clothes on.

   Why were the police ever issued with pepper sprays? Surely this will lead to the creation of more seasoned criminals.

   ˙ɹǝʌoƃuɐɥ ʇsɹoʍ ǝɥʇ sɐɥ

   can't seem to put out old flames, especially when they come back blazing in glory.

   Think outside the facebox.

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, lady, well, shame on Lionel Richie.

   One of our cats sits on the toilet lid and stares at the shower curtain while we take a shower. We're not sure if he's life-guarding or just amazed about how brave we are.

   When I was young I thought getting a yeast infection was sitting on dirty muffins while youre not wearing any underwear!