Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5553 of 6370
My husband said I need a scary costume for Halloween this year, so I'm dressing up as a Positive Pregnancy Test.
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10-10-2017 05:36
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Want to confuse people this Halloween? Wear a Santa Claus suit as your costume.
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10-10-2017 07:07 by Jake
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If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
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10-10-2017 08:05 by Jake
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I know it's early..but I often forget things, so I've just written my letter to Santa, warning him not to drink the milk at Bill Cosby's place!!
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10-10-2017 13:13 by Truman
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Pepsi is now pulling its sponsorship of the Miami Dolphins, after hearing they prefer Coke!
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10-10-2017 13:28 by IraSult
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How to save money this Halloween. Place an empty bowl out with a sign. Please only take one piece of candy.
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10-10-2017 18:45 by Jake
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When I was a kid I could climb mountians. Now I have to steady my self to fart.
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10-10-2017 22:40 by Jake
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Living in a nudist colony, takes all the fun out of Halloween.
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10-10-2017 22:54 by Jake
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You want to force people to stand for the flag? Please tell me more about this FREE country of yours?
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10-10-2017 23:21
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Last Halloween night while at a bus stop. I saw a priest, a nun and a prostitute pass buy. Still don't know if they were wearing a costume for Halloween or not.
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10-10-2017 23:45 by Jake
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The thing that truly makes amusement park rides scary is that you are entrusting your life to a teenager that is earning minimum wage to make sure you are securely fastened into your seat.
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10-11-2017 06:15
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United States population: 323.1 million. Trinidad and Tobago population: 1.3 million. And they just eliminated us from the World Cup.
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10-11-2017 07:56 by CrackY
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Funny how there was no mention of Harvey Weinstein on Kimmy Kimmel last night
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10-11-2017 08:20
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We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we're terrified people in real life will find us on the internet.
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10-11-2017 08:21
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I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning: The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
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10-11-2017 08:26
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I never make any plans unless I have a way of getting out of them.
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10-11-2017 14:45 by Jake
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Buying Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, is like paying back for all the free Halloween candy I got when I was a kid.
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10-11-2017 14:58 by Jake
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I stopped eating natural foods when I found out that most people die from natural causes.
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10-11-2017 17:25 by Jake
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How to save money this Halloween. Place an empty bowl out with a sign in it. "I don't share my candy. Go away!"
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10-11-2017 18:29
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Will the real Slim Shady please shut up, please shut up....
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10-11-2017 18:34
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