Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wonder if Trump does all his tweeting while taking a dump on the toilet.

   So on "The Bachelor," a guy gets to make out with 20 different hot women and each one of them is convinced that he'd be the perfect husband. And this is a "reality" show?

   When i'm Single,all I see are couples being happy.When i'm Dating someone,all I see are Single,being happy.

   I wish people would get upset at NFL players punching their girl friends as much as they do about not standing for the flag.

   NFL = No Fans Left

   If you drive a Tesla and it gets stolen, is it now an Edison?

   I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.

   This Halloween, the only Candy I'm interested in swings from a pole and has daddy issues.

   Here's a thought. The next time a criminal is told to stop by the police, he should take a knee instead of trying to run away.

   I am wondering if female squirrells only get 80% of the acorns that males get

   Not sure who will be performing at the Super Bowl half-time this season but I am already furious about it

   T Pain is so old now, he changed his name to Knee Pain!

   Crying about the NFL and not focusing on anything else is suppose to make America great again?

   Trump only complained about the NFL only a few times but the news keeps playing it over and over so you think it's all he is talking about.

   Kim is now offering nukes to the NFL. I said this would get out of hand but no one listened.

   Dear Mr President: Stop spraying manure everywhere, it now smells in Alaska

   Hey NFL...you should ask Mizzou how they've been getting along since they tolerated all of that social justice protesting! Haha, it's a ghost town over there!

   Kaepernick keeps taking a knee based on a lie...Michael Brown never had his hands up!

   The President is only loved by ONE person....the American voter!

   If NFL players wanted free speech, then why don't they protest the fines they pay for end zone celebrations?! Hypocrites!