Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5522 of 6371
real soon i'll need a better excuse than "sorry i'm trapped in the chilean mines right now"...
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10-13-2010 11:22
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You're saying I'm immature. Well, you're immature times infinity.
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10-13-2010 10:19 by jus2sweet
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every woman's pet and every man's regret.
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10-13-2010 10:18 by jus2sweet
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I am Captain Organised..Unlike Batman Superman and Spiderman my underpants are on the inside..
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10-13-2010 10:08 by gday
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Dear freezer, I get so hard for you. Sincerely Water.
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10-13-2010 09:14 by rll
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Think I got my Halloween costume.... SNOOKIE! I'll wear clothes 5 sizes too small, paint my body Umpa Loompa Orange, walk around half naked, drunk and screaming "Do you know who I am?!? I'm Snookie Biotch!"
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10-13-2010 09:05 by Donna
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The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. ;)
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10-13-2010 08:39
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Today's word of advice: Never take a muscle relaxer if you've got the trots.
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10-13-2010 08:38 by Leeferd
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All I want for Christmas, is to keep the things I've got.
The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying ba$stards.
Fortune Cookie: "Your life will be happy and peaceful." Dear Cookie: What drugs are you on? We should share.
You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they don't need.
If Superman is so smart, why is his underwear on the outside?
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10-13-2010 08:29
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You're never too old to learn something stupid.
As the first chilean miner came to the surface he was quick to celebrate his 'rock paper scissors' championship 2010.
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10-13-2010 08:27
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My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
Getting a girl off is like a game of Marco Polo. The louder she gets, the closer you are. Wandering in the other direction is just counterproductive.
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10-13-2010 08:08
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Big... Powerful... Makes the ladies scream... Lasts for an hour. No wonder women love Oprah so much.
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10-13-2010 08:06
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Just once on Undercover Boss, I'd like to see one of the lower level employees just go, "Yeah, pretty much all I do all day is scrw around on Facebook and play Bubbleshooter. Also, our CEO is a d!ck."
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10-13-2010 08:03
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