Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Kelli Clarkson is getting married. I guess she can get extra fat now...

   better being black than gay, cos you dont have to tell your parents.

   God: An invisible friend for adults

   A guy came up to me at the gym and asked me what event I was training so hard for.Told him "Obama care".

   I am cornhoolio, I make peepee from my bunghole

   Tenative Thanksgiving Menu: A little bit of small pox as an appetizer, some Mass Genocide as the main course, and finish it off with some forced relocation for dessert.

   "out of ideas, like this message. "

   Bath Salt party at my place tonight, parents are out of town!

   Myyy milkshake brings all the boys to the yard & they're like ew what is this semen & I'm like no refunds

   I never called you crazy... I said you look like you might own 400 cats, but I never actually said "crazy."

   now that the FB font is smaller, less of my friends will notice my witty status updates and posts.

   Sometimes finding my car keys is harder than finding a proper sport or a slim person in America

   heard that Thailand has the highest rate of prostitution in the world, but again what dyu expect from a country whose name is "THAI-land", with a capital city named "BANG-KOK" and a tourist destination called "PHUK-ET"!!!

   Just went out to my neighbors front yard and wrote "Merry Christmas" in his yard by pissing in the snow

   U know you mexican when you wrap christmas presents with a knife instead of scissors.lol

   Hey squirrel, your tail looks gay

   Nice guys finish last because they make sure their woman cums first. ; )

   Scientists at the Department of Microbiology Research are studying over 300 types of virus and bacteria. Or as they refer to her, "Mary the African prostitite"

   10 black guys said hi to me today. all I wanted was 1 white guy

   "To YOU I'm an atheist; to G0d, I'm the Loyal Opposition." ― Woody Allen