Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.

   Some things just don't go together, like drinking and driving or pissing and sneezing!!

   Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.

   I wish people in this world would put as much effort into earning respect as they do demanding it.

   If you weren't sure whether or not to book a hotel in a Native American community, would that be a reservation reservation reservation?

   I just found something that will put you to sleep, The OJ Simpson hearing

   The phrase "The Juice is loose" now has a new connotation.

   Finally, OJ can go after Nicole's murderer.

   Congrats Khloe Kardashian! You're father was granted parole!

   O.J. Simpson is now available for the next season of Dancing With The Stars.

   The Dallas Cowboys just offered OJ a 2 year contract.

   OJ told the judge "I would kill to get out of here".

   I came walking in from the kitchen, and asked my niece for the phonebook. She laughed and called me an antique, Then proceded to gave me her phone.Long story short, the spider's dead, and she's in the living room crying.

   "O.J. , if granted parole where would you live...?" "Well, I'd like to take a stab at Florida......!!"

   OJ said he has lived a conflict free life. Unless, he thinks you are or our have his property. Then watch out. Things get crazy.

   [at restaurant] Wife: I'm having an affair. Husband: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have the affair as well.

   I used to be a male trapped inside a female's body. But then I was born and everything was OK.

   If you mean Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then, yes, I do like opera.

   My train of thought is usually all loco and no motive.

   Why couldn't Eve have just made Adam a sammich like other women?