Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I would give a billon dollars to hear the audio of Donald Trump & Kim Kardashian attempting to have a policy discussion about prison reform.

   The first rule of rich, powerful, white guy club is we didn't do anything wrong because we are rich, white and powerful.

   Steve Bannon removed from National Security Council due to a scheduling conflict involving drinking.

   Screaming at Kaepernick to stand up during the national anthem seems slightly more disrespectful.

   Everytime I see KellyAnn Conway's face, I always vomit!

   Saw a baby wearing a bib which read "This dumb ass put my cape on backwards"

   Donald Trump is Making America great again, one riot at a time

   Jesus was born in october. Just saying...

   Somebody just texted me saying..what does IDK mean? And I replied I don't know, she said OMG nobody knows!!

   Facebook employee got fired....Why? He was on Facebook every day at work.

   The neighbor's kids are named Titus and Judah. Either the couple is Greek, or they smoke ALOT of dope.

   Don't forget to tutn your clocks forward to eliminate one hour of the Trump presidency.

   Usually when a woman cries, it's not just over one thing. It's built up anger and emotions that she has been holding in for far too long.

   GOP strategy last 3 years: Filibuster everything to prevent the economy from recovering, wait for 2012, then ask why the economy is bad.

   if I'm ever abducted by a group of hostile aliens and they demand to see my leader; I think I'll show them my wife

   I want a new Drug. One that won't hurt my head. One that won't make my mouth too dry. Or make my eyes too red

   Plane ticket to Vancouver $800, ticket to the gold medal game $2500, Canada breaking the record for the most gold medals won at an olympic games at the exspense of the USA unbelievably frickin PRICELESS!! See you in 4 years SUCKA'S!!!

   Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me? Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

   IM SO BAD. I BROKE 3 LAWS LESS THAN 35 SECONDS. I RAN A RED LIGHT, I WAS GOING 60 IN A 45, AND I SAID THE F WORD. #THUG LIFE

   The difference between Obama and Osama is BS.