Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When I see chocolate, I hear two voices in my head. One says, “eat the chocolate.” The other says, “you heard me right, eat it.”
←Rate | 01-13-2023 04:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Back in 5 minutes ~ if not, read this again.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 03:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Papa Bear: Read the part again where she burns her whore mouth on my porridge.
←Rate | 05-01-2022 20:03 by Billy Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Fact Checkers” didn’t exist until the truth started getting out.
←Rate | 05-02-2022 03:28 by Mary Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think my neighbor must have hit her toe with a hammer, she’s screaming like that at 2:00am. Lol
←Rate | 05-09-2022 02:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you, warning label. I almost used my toaster in the shower this morning.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 03:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path.
←Rate | 08-15-2022 15:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only adult knowledge that a third grader needs to know, is that girls/boys have cooties.
←Rate | 08-15-2022 17:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What’s up cake? Muffin much.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 04:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Almost forgot the internet has porn.
←Rate | 04-11-2022 20:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shoutout to my parents who let me go through my tomboy phase without putting me on puberty blockers.
←Rate | 04-15-2022 01:46 by rachel_pekarek Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spell your crush’s name backwards ~ Dnufer Xat
←Rate | 04-26-2022 01:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was young, I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.
←Rate | 08-04-2022 01:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
←Rate | 08-02-2022 01:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Establish dominance by asking your therapist how they feel about what you just said.
←Rate | 08-03-2022 01:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
←Rate | 07-30-2022 01:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 03:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Food is my favorite F-word.
←Rate | 05-04-2022 02:00 by nick_yack Comments (0)  


   messageicon Certified freak seven days a week…. Wet a** opossum just walking down the street.
←Rate | 05-24-2022 22:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything, that clearly points to a career in public office.
←Rate | 07-30-2022 01:57 Comments (0)  




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