Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I Just got super excited when Ice-ice Baby played on Pandora, Does that mean that I'm getting old? Yo man lets get outa hair, Word to your mother!!!!

   why is it that when you go to McDonald's they ask “Would you like any sauce for your chicken nuggets?”, but all along they know they are never going to give it to you, shady b*stards!

   I hate it when I get pissed, SLAM the door, storm out of the house.. then realize I have to go back in for my car keys..

   I'm in one of those moods that only a virgin sacrifice will appease.

   And the Hedonist of the Year award goes Charlie Harper, who couldn't be with us tonight. Accepting the award on his behalf is Charlie Sheen. Oh, wait ... what's the difference? =p

   Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger.

   Some people have all the luck. They're called "cheaters."

   Society would improve leaps and bounds if people would just stop putting those stupid Transformers emblems on their cars.

   Whoo yooh A suicide book..got my mother in laws christmas present..};-)

   Remembers the dude that answered his door in sweats and a motley crue tshirt who forgot it was Halloween? He rumages through his cupboards and out of guilt gives you 10 pop tarts and a tube of pringles...........Halloween Jackpot.........

   Okay so who really has the boardwalk piece from McDonalds??

   watched several people 'ducking' while running through the rain tonight ... does that really help?

   Dear Tummy , sorry for all the butterflies . Dear Pillow , sorry for all the tears . Dear Heart , sorry for all the damage . Dear Brain , you were right .

   Life is a journey, with plenty of stops at the liquor store to make it bearable.

   We already won, we already won, we get Lebron James, it's already done...NOT.

   All this 'get on my level' $hit seriously... get ya head out ya a$$, no one cares about your make believe levels of life.

   Wonders if a cow from china would understand a cow from the US or do they moo different languages?

   just getting jiggy with it!

   the Chairman for the Frostbite Falls Society of Wildlife Conversation. Well, somebody's gonna have to start talking about these things.

   Sometimes, it's not so easy being Fearless Leader.