Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5401 of 6370
Does anyone have a good marinade recipe for dolphin?
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11-20-2010 12:11
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A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed....
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11-20-2010 11:21 by Grifter
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..... cute, funny, and irresistable... enough about me,tell me about you?
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11-20-2010 11:17
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Being a politician is a lot like being a hooker. You can't be one unless you can pretend to like people while you're screwing them....
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11-20-2010 11:09 by Grifter
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San Francisco bans toys in Happy Meals.... Mayor McCheese vows to "Take it to the Supreme Court, if necessary"
A man's bathroom is his fortress of solitude and the toilet is his throne.
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11-20-2010 10:55
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I am working on writing a new Dr.Suess book..."The Retailer Who Stole Thanksgiving." "He didn't care if he got to eat the jello-o cranberry ring, just so long as he got to hear the cash register sing..."
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11-20-2010 10:01 by Toto
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Oh how that evil ball of hydrogen and helium punishes me on the way home from work with its larger than life flaming brilliance.
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11-20-2010 09:42
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I am afraid that the only way to motivate me to do something, is to absolutely forbid me from doing whatever it is you wish to have done. I refer to this as the big red shiny button theorem.
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11-20-2010 09:40
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A man basically goes through three phases in his life... He believes in Santa Claus...He doesn't believe in Santa Claus...He is Santa Claus.
I didnt forget, I just didnt remember.
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11-20-2010 09:27
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I am looking forward to my daughter being done with her I-Don't-Like-Daddy Phase. I'm running out of things to clean with her toothbrush.
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11-20-2010 08:28 by Leeferd
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I'm long, and I'm strong. And I'm down to get the friction on.
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11-20-2010 07:43
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Women who wear $200.00 perfume obviously are known to have no common scents. :)
Everyday is like Thanksgiving for me... people always give me "The Bird" and tell me to "Stuff It!"
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11-20-2010 07:31
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love the smell of cap gun smoke in the morning.
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11-20-2010 06:55
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I was an accountant from the age of twenty to the age of thirty before I was sacked for no apparent reason. What a waste of fourteen years.
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11-20-2010 05:59 by @clarkysj
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you ever drink so much when your sitting on the coach and you start looking for a seatbelt.
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11-20-2010 04:34
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Please hold while I put on my "Gosh I really care" face.
already on the naughty list. Santa... I can explain.