Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   its all shyts and giggles until someone shyts and giggles!!

   Who came up with kisses? The very first kiss must've been creepy "What're you doing why R you sucking my face?" "Jus trust me on this one"

   want a tissue for ya issue....

   Couples who exchange "sweet nothings" on facebook, stop it, every time you do that I kick a cat.

   There are many paths on the journey to find the right person to be with, but I think we all have chosen the PSYCHOpath at some point in our lives!

   I woke up early this morning and it dawned on me.....OH SH!T, I betta go back to sleep! Lmao!

   Every time I drink a beer It makes your lazy eye disappear Every time I do a shot I think you're hot, but I know you're not, i'm just trying to drink you pretty!

   kind of surprised I'm not an action figure by now.

   ran over an old guy's guide dog today. Lucky for me there were no witnesses.

   You can never plan the future by the past.

   so easy a Cavewoman can Do him

   I don't have a short attention span...................Ooo Shiny!!

   Ugggh.. won't work just end so I can hurry up and go to fight club already?

   Just booked a table for me and the other half for tomorrow - f****** hope she's good at snooker lol?!!!!

   My girlfriend has very bad taste in clothing. Her only dress I love, is the one she takes off...

   believes you can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.

   Lindsay Lohan is spending the holidays in rehab, poor girl..no friends..no family, no drugs..no alcohol..I'm just sayin!!

   I wonder how many tattoos you can get for the Sugar Bowl trophy...

   Whoo yooh A suicide book..got my mother in laws christmas present..};-)

   Sometimes I just want to run up to a stranger on the street and say "YOU'RE IT!!" and then run away