Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5290 of 6370
baby showers are ridiculas you have un protected sex and now I gota buy you a gift? Ive been having unprotected sex for years all I ever got was hurt feelings
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01-04-2011 17:21
Comments (5)
When an old lady pokes you at a wedding and says "you're next"....just do the same to them at a funeral.
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01-04-2011 16:53
Comments (2)
Hey Lady gaga! Madonna called, she wants her style back.
I'm sitting on my couch and updating this status from my cell phone just so my friends think I leave my house occasionally
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01-04-2011 15:39
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Easy explanation for dead birds falling from sky...they keep hitting Wonder Woman's invisible jet.
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01-04-2011 15:34 by Bill
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WTF....Its rains cats and dogs and now birds! But not one single cougar or beaver!!!
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01-04-2011 15:24
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Thank You Rich Rod for an Amazing 3 Years, your time has been greatly appreciated! - The Rest of the Big Ten
in a relationship with the Craigslist Killer and it complicated!
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01-04-2011 14:37
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I don't need to watch "Desperate Housewives". I have Face book !
With all these birds falling out the sky, I won't be eating Chinese anytime soon....
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01-04-2011 14:27 by Bill
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There needs to be free birth control handed out at welfare offices...agreed??
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01-04-2011 14:19 by Mandy
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500 birds fell out of sky in Louisiana too? OK that's it, something crazy is going on. Where's Fox Mulder when you need him?
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01-04-2011 14:16 by Bill
Comments (1)
Yo mamma so fat she use a ipad as iphone
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01-04-2011 13:45
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I've always been suspicious of people who operate their Christmas lights after New Years day.
The defendant was acquitted of stealing twenty-three bottles of beer. Prosecutors couldn't make a case of it.
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01-04-2011 13:06
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If your New Year's resolution involves less drinking, debauchery or cursing, then it involves less of me.
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01-04-2011 12:49
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has 12 episodes of A&E's "Hoarders" recorded on his DVR and he just can't throw any away.
I just looked down at my shoes and one of them is not right.
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01-04-2011 12:20
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Dear Drama Queens who cry ab not every status being hillarious.. Isnt that the point? You scroll through all the crappy ones, kill a little time in ur day then BAM got one!!! Sorry we cant just hand you everything in life.
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01-04-2011 12:11
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If you REALLY want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2022.
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01-04-2011 11:39 by Aaron
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